Cock sauce

Someone who thinks we'll put ANY old rubbish up here found the following humorous foodstuff.



"Back in damp, cold northern Europe, I found the perfect companion to Fanny Tuna - I present Chinese cock sauce. Sprinkling fanny tuna with cock sauce actually makes for a rather horrid dish. But it's well suited for dating situations where the object of desire just needs a subtle reminder of what could be. Once you've put the things on the table there's no running away. Anonymous as always - Anonymous."

A really quite poor photo of a SUNRISE AA

Honestly, do we really need to see so much of the table? We're not so desperate for content we're about to start a series of updates entitled "The Surfaces of Reader's Tables."



"You've probably seen this before, but I can't be arsed searching the archives for the utterly unremarkable Sunrise Alkaline AA battery. One of my workmates found it in his bike light, and immediately thought of adding to the sum of happiness by sharing it with everyone via your good selves. The picture was taken by phone, sorry if it's shit. Nice graininess on table I thought. No interesting story, funny comment or oriental pr0n to go with it, just a crappy photo of a dull battery and no norks. A bit rubbish - I should probably be banned from visiting Idiot Toys ever again or something. I bet Sponge Finge has two of them tho... Cheers, Chris."

Gadgets with FACES #34: Mario Kart Wii's useless plastic wheel thing

The reason for Wii's success revealed - putting little faces onto things so people subconsciously empathise with it and want to press it into their groins.



"It's not as good as the recent tuk-tuk/van-thing face, I grant you, but I find the pained, yet leering expression reminiscent of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. You know, the skeleton fella - Chris."

*Jingle* Promotional image of the weeeeeek

Three cheers for Quantum Search & Selection, which is showing a superb awareness of perspective with this one, plus it also knows the importance of putting the most presentable woman in the company at the front of the shot.



The haircut says 'crazy Dutch lesbian' but the engagement and wedding rings would suggest otherwise.

"What happened to all my toner?"

"I put a new cartridge in over the weekend. It can't have run out by now, surely?"



"Oh."



What you're SUPPOSED to do, is look at them on the camera first. Then you can delete the ones you don't like before even copying them to PC. Printing them out THEN deciding is simply a waste.



That thing had better not be allowed within six feet of the computer.

Gadgets with FACES #32: An Epson printer of some sort

"MY CHILDREN! IT'S EATING MY CHILDREN!"



Or it might be spitting them out. Or giving birth. It's an extremely gruesome scene, regardless.

Gadgets with FACES #31: The Bowers & Wilkins Zeppelin

From a man who would appear to be called "possession."



Not sure what it is or does. And frankly, if something's not immediately obvious these days it's not going to get bothered with at all.

The AMAZING Australian IT industry calendar

Yes, it really is worthy of capital letters. It's a calendar that encourages Australian women to get involved in the IT industry. It does this by dressing up existing IT-employed ladies all pretty. Or, at least, as close as any of them can get to pretty.



"Australia is currently in the depths of an ICT skills shortage and this is how we are addressing it."



"Featuring twelve 'women from industry', the Screen Goddesses calendar aims to promote ICT as a career of choice for high school girls. This is achieved through movie themed shoots that cover popular films such as Miss Congeniality, Thelma and Louise and, as pictured, Basic Instinct."



"I have eleven more of these, each more disturbing than the next. Notable highlights include a clearly autistic Trinity and a plumper for Ms. September."



"In summary, the entire calendar can be summed up as 'three woulds' - John."



Terrifying. Sorry. Hope you're not eating a sausage sandwich while reading this.

The world's fishiest finger

It belongs to one of these two disgustingly enthusiastic ladies.



It is apparently the world's biggest fish finger. Bird's Eye will be launching it under the brand name "Whale's Cock" this autumn.

'Heroin chic' look reaches Korea

A brave step forward for Samsung, which has allowed young model Sin-Yoo Tan (right) to appear in the fashionably dishevelled and dead-eyed look often favoured by supermodels.



The uncropped original photo shows bruised shins and reveals that she is only wearing one shoe.

SUBMITTER DANIELE'S COMEDY ANGLE:
"Samsung should be disqualified for 'excessive attractiveness gap among female models'".

MaxEnergy! Perfo! Uniross!

Yes, a Uniross. But a Uniross in astonishing British Racing Green, the likes of which we have NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Photos taken by a man who must be a maths teacher.



"Here are some pictures, sadly without my reflection or pictures of my home. The dramatically coloured MaxEnergy (nice use of camel case) in the back of one of those ergonomically-challenged Telewest remotes."



"The giant perfo shot is from my Ixus 50D. That may be important I guess..."



"And the ever-reliable Uniross rechargable. I added it cos' it's my fav battery ever and I don't think you've ever pictured it. Right, now I need gadgets with faces... Matthew."

The Dell nuclear/terrorism warning notice

During periods of great boredom, one thing that's always fun to do is to spec up a PC on the Dell web site, then proceed with the order until you get to the following screen:



Too scared to actually go through with submitting a "yes" answer. Has anyone 'followed through' properly?

OLD CALCULATORS: Two blinding examples from America

Obviously there was an error in the voting software. 'Old Calculators' is the official new Idiot Toys 'Thing'. So get them out for the lads.

Although, sadly, the series would appear to have peaked with update #1.



"Hello My Animal Crossing replacement site. You mentioned you wanted some feedback on what to cover. You mentioned old calculators were a possibility. I thought I'd try and get some momentum for the calculator camp by sending in these two beauties from my private reserve of old calculators."



"The first is the Sharp Compet CS-1109A from 1976 (Japanese release - US release was '77, European release unknown)."



"It is mains-powered only and comes complete with its original dust cover."



"It would be classed as a second-generation digital calculator, and was considered rather small for its day. As with much of the Compet series, it stands as a bit of a white elephant as weeks after its release proper pocket calculators started hitting the streets."



"Sharp still found a market for a desktop device however, and trickled out somewhere between 15 and 30 Compet products (it is unknown if devices such as the CS1152D carried the Compet moniker, though given Sharp's progressive system of numbering, it seems likely.)



"The Compet range evolved into a printer-class in the end, because if you're going to have a massive calculator on your desk, it might was well print stuff I guess."




"Next up is an Olivetti Underwood Electric Adding Machine Mk1."



"This is a super-rare Argentinian-manufactured version, and dates from 1967.



"It works like a charm to this day, though for the fife of me, fathoming how a thing full of cogs can tell you the answers to complex sums is beyond me."



"This model's innards were the basis of all Olivetti's adding machines, though bits were added in some later models. The exact insides remained while the outside saw a series of facelifts in the late sixties and early seventies."



[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mention possibility of "Old Calculators With Faces" as possible new feature going forward, although suspect it may be too niche]



"Have a look at the included ads and you'll see that this was touted as a legitimate portable piece of hardware back when it was launched. (The ads are from 1968.)"



"So, in lieu of reading My Animal Crossing, the best site to be RECKLESSLY ABANDONED on all the Internets, I try to push you in the direction of old calculators."



"They are indeed, full of win - StfnWltrz."

New record knee use!

Congratulations to Soo Yun-Wat! She smashed through the pain barrier to remain on her knee, on hard laminate flooring, for a staggering 3 hours and 27 minutes.



Her left leg was subsequently amputated at the thigh.

Through snow. Over ice. Up or down hills. There is no escape from BIG DOG

The video's already had five million views, so no doubt at least half of you have watched this eight times already. But we can't ignore a whining robot dog, especially the bit when a man kicks it so see if it falls over.



Not quite as good as Carol Vorderman spelling out MILF, but nearly.

Gadgets with FACES #30: TAPS SPECIAL!

Photographs of two taps have arrived within the space of a week, both purporting to contain visible faces of some sort. You have to respect people that risk a beating by getting a camera out in a public toilet, so we have decided taps count as a gadget.



"Here is a gadget with not only a face, but a full body that I managed to capture mid-urination. Just look at the embarrassment on it's little face - willy1ka."



"Do taps count as gadgets? Starbucks toilets in the City Of London, just looking at me - Ruffley."



Taps count. We make the fucking rules here, and we say TAPS COUNT. We might be stepping on Dave Gorman's toes, but who cares? He's got book and telly royalties to keep him happy.