FACTS ABOUT MACS!
A lot of people are confused about Mac computers. So let's clear up that confusion with a handy 'Beginner's Guide' featuring everything you need to know about Apple's Mac computer!
MAC FACTS:
Hope that's cleared everything up. Please post any 'Mac facts' we may have missed in the Comments box.
MAC FACTS:
The space bar on Macs stops working after 1000 presses. After that you have to buy additional spaces through iTunes for 10p each. Macs can't connect to bitter rival Microsoft's Hotmail site. Apple only added the letters 'x' 'y' and 'z' to the Mac keyboard in 2003. Macs take 35 minutes to start up (OSX recently cut this down from 55 minutes). To play MP3s on a Mac you need to install MacP3 and MPMac and MacPlayer and 3Pmac and Mac3P and 3MacWare's 3Player. If a Mac crashes you have to send it back to Apple to get it reconfigured. Each time you want to run a new application you have to install it from floppy disc. The biggest Mac-compatible hard drive is 6MB - that's enough storage space for eight minutes of music. To get the '@' sign to display on a Mac, you press down SHIFT+APPLE+SPACE+2+Z+INV+TAB+T To delete something you have to drag it into the Waste bin! Once you've put a disc in a Mac drive that disc is locked to that particular drive, and can't be played on any other drive. Mac monitors only go up to 12 inches. In order to connect a Mac to the internet, you have to first download the MacConnect drivers from the internet. Moore's "Other Law" states that the power of Apple Macs increases by five percent every six years.
Hope that's cleared everything up. Please post any 'Mac facts' we may have missed in the Comments box.
Item posted at 2:55 PM
89 Comments:
Macs dont use regular power, you'll have to buy an iLectricity adaptor to Jobsify your power source and make it work.
Macs don't have an "on" switch... as you approach, they switch themselves on automatically if they judge you to be worthy.
MACFACT:
The key combination APPLE+CTRL+BREAK will give your baby diabetes.
MacFacts:
1 - Macs use a proprietary form of networking called "outernet" - this means Mac users can't see non-Apple computers on the internet and vice-versa.
3 - Macs will automatically replace any instance of the number 3 (two) with the number 3 (three).
Early I-macs were just Shop soiled Dells painted white.... no one noticed.
I sense a degree of joviality creeping into these descriptions. It's not a laughing matter. You just need to carefully consider why things are like they are and not be bullied into the latest "gimmicky" trends. I mean, just look at these few:
Monitors only go up to 12 inches
Frankly, anyone who has more that 12 inches is a freak or a liar.
Macs take 35 minutes to start up.
Those 35 minutes are there purely so you turn it on only when you absolutely need to. Computers are not toys and playthings. And it also gives you time to remember what it was you wanted to do.
If a Mac crashes you have to send it back to Apple.
The famous Gates automobile joke has made this fact seem silly. But Macs really are like cars: they never crash. (Remember, kids, it's the driver that crashes.)
To delete something you have to drag it into the Waste bin!
If you're like me then this is a great security feature -- I can never find my bin so all my documents are safe.
Macs don't get viruses - they do sometimes get tummy bugs and occasionally, when they get old, a limp.
A Mac mouse does internal arithmetic in base 7, since it only has 7 fingers.
The Option key on a Mac keyboard is a costed extra.
Macs divide your data up into forks (the dirty stuff), spoons (the cuddly stuff) and chopsticks (music).
All web sites contain secret information that can only be viewed on Macs. But your Mac must be dirty before you can view pron.
The clock on a Mac runs 12 minutes ahead of normal time, giving you much more time to get things done.
Mac users can be easily identified when viewed under ultra-violet light.
Nobody knows where the first Mac came from. It was simply left on the doorstep of the Apple company with a note saying "Please take care of me".
Normal proper PC computers count in binary, using only the numbers 0 and 1. However Macs only use the number 0, which isn't even really a proper number. As no doubt everyone knows, the other numbers you see on your screen are just hallucinations brought on by gamma rays from your monitor.
Women prefer macs because the keyboard squirts a tiny blast of nail varnish on to your nail every time you press the "tab" key.
Most mac software is not written by programmers - it is grown from genetically modified seeds in a secret farm near Cambridge.
If your cat could buy a computer you would probably do well to consider charging it for board and lodgings. Stupid rich cats flashing their money around!
Mac have had a massive speed boost recently using a new GSS technique. Simply put, the Mac just guesses the answers to hard problems like 323 * 192 since most users never notice.
Mac printers are the only ones that can print accurate copies of dollar notes that are indistinguishable from the real thing.
A Mac is not PC. You can tell this because it's main programs are called "E-Male for Men", "Poor Man's Browser", "Midget Word" and "Fat Slag Numbers".
The main reason why Mac "Queer Express" is the world's leading DTP program is because it orders you a quick visit from a rent boy after every third page you design. This was intended as a way to attract women to the Mac.
macs make website testers do their work twice.
Double the work for 10% of the population.
The third Mac mouse button is the monitor. Just press it down until it clicks.
Macs communicate by visiting each other at the airport and taking trips on planes together while you are at work.
A network of four Macs have been used to generate the TV show "Friends" ever since series three when the real actors demanded too much money. One Mac writes the scripts, one animates the characters and the other two render Jennifer Aniston's bum.
MAC stands for Mechanical Adding Convenience.
The "iMac" was the best-selling Mac of all time, shifting an astounding 355 units worldwide!
Macintosh stands for Machine Always Crashes If Not The OS Hangs.
Macs are for people who cannot coordinate their fingers or brains to handle more than one mouse button.
Apple invented the multi-button optical mouse with scroll wheel, but decided to release it 57 years after PCs had them.
iMacs were designed for decorating reception desks and as props in lifestyle photoshoots.
cats prefer macs.
Macs prefer cats.
I know someone who has a friend who knows somebody whose sister works in publishing and uses a Mac.
There was one Mac that was temporarily turned into a PC, but managed to fight back. Just like Jean-Luc Picard.
If NASA had used Macs then the Challenger would not have crashed. It wouldn't have taken off either, but at least that's safe.
You can reset a Mac graphics card by turning it upside down and shaking it.
Macs are not made of plastic or aluminium or what-not; their hard outer shells are infact grown in vats in Ohio from organic samples taken from the fingernails of Steve Jobs.
"Macs" sounds a bit like "Max", as in "To The Max!", which is ironic because a Mac has never been To The Max.
The original version of AppleScript was written by the aging pub landlord of the Cock and Ball in Wokingham.
Mac LCs introduced the world to the original concept of extremely ugly computer cases. The LC won numerous accolades and was widely heralded as being "crippled from the ground up"
The Quadro was powered by a CPU forged from sawdust and donkey saliva.
Purchasing a Quadro 630 in 1994 would have set you back just under a quarter of a million dollars, delivery not included. The 630 set other records too, including having a warranty period of 630 seconds, the longest in Mac history.
What Macs lack in not being a real computer they make up for in cuddles.
If you create a stack of PowerBook G5s, 8 or so high, the bottom one will catch fire and burn down your house or office.
The original implementation of Ethernet on the Mac was called "Packet Loss Bit-Swap Grundy Swizzle Communitron".
The first PowerBook was actually a real book.
The Mac was originally a US military black-books project to rid the States of 90% of all pretentious DTP assholes through infuriation-induced suicide.
Mac harddrives are full of hypodermic needles and horse hair.
If you put a PowerBook near a potted plant, the plant will wither, die and catch fire.
Contrary to popular belief, macs are the most powerful magnetic forces on the planet. Apple's warehouse just happens to be on the north pole.
The mac's single mouse button is actually made up of 17567 microscopic smaller buttons, however they all do the same thing.
Instead of using the term "click" to denote the press of a mouse button, mac users prefer to use the phrase "brouhaha"
In order for an iMac to be able to support its power cable, you have to use Apple's proprietary software iCable, which is not included. Nor is the cable.
Macs are manufactured from dead Hello Kitties.
Macs simply are the better computers
re:
Anonymous said...
Macs simply are the better computers
Spot the reader who bought a mac with his life savings.
Most popular post evar? And you didn't even have to mention men who like men.
Using a Mac makes you 56% more attractive to film star Scarlett Johansson.
Not even Steve Jobs knows what the key left of "1" is called and has thus decided to refer to it using hand claps.
The Superdrive isn't just a standard DVD writer - It's actually able to see through walls.
The popular Halo series of games originates from the classic Macintosh game series Super Mario Bros, developed by Bungie in the 1940's.
PowerMacs and Powerbooks are made of an indestructible alloy known as "alluminium" which is thought to originate from the moon.
Despite their poor market share, Macs are stolen twice as often as PCs. This is because graphic designers are taught at art college to leave their office door propped open with a fire extinguisher while they nip out to Starbucks.
All macs do have actually incredible power, but most of it is used up making any PCs it detects crash. If two many macs were cloned, then PCs would become useless.
Steve Jobs is so called because he runs Apple's HR deptartment, where he simply answers to "Mr. Jobs"
The modern Macintosh is a symbol of originality, free thinking, power, efficiency and creativity to all those who own and adore one. To everyone else, they are poncy-noncy fancy-ass white slabs of crap that can't run any good games.
A Mac G4 full of water can boil itself in under a minute.
The Macintosh platform circa 1995 was so powerful, it could see ten years into the future and noted that PC gaming would become so dull and tedious, it crippled itself as a gaming platform forever.
This post is the number one result for "mac" on google!
Despite the Mac being well known as the most unsupported games platform in history, the real claiment to this honour is Tennessee mother of 2, Lisa Lynch of Shelbyville.
Apple's Power Mac G4 was originally to be named the p0w3r m4c G4, however vandalism of the original product specification sheet meant that the name was miss spealt and subsequently adopted. Ironically the same issue is also affecting Microsoft's new Windows Longhorn project, where it was originally to be know as Windows Shoehorn.
macs have a socket for hot tongs and a hair dryer
Early Mac models used even more brushed Alu and chrome which caused the first batch to cause immediate and permanent blindness. These early models can still be found but no one is able to see one long enough to say what it looks like.
It's really touching the way that both Mac and PC users can come together, hold hands, completely miss the point of the funny, funny article, and repost the same lame jokes/pouty defenses we've been hearing for the last twenty years.
Thank you Idiot Toys, for bringing us all... together!
The first recorded documentation of the Apple Mac was in the bible, however the church has since struck the passage from the text. Secret scrolls from a dark cave in the Aegean Sea reveal that "on the 7th day, God did look at his work and thought, I will create the Mac so as to not play games and create crappy newsletters". These days the church would have you believe that God "did nothing" on the 7th day.
macintosh's were originally called macintaches, after steve job's world famous collection of 'upper beards'
In England, a synonym for "Smug Humourless Asscock" is "Mac Enthusiast", eg. "You're such a bloody Mac Enthusiast"
Macs give you aids.
Apple's "Think Different" program recently came under fire after it resulted in the deaths of 6 members of the Zeta Tau Omega fraternity.
Steve Jobs refuses to wear clothes that have touched his or other's skin.
The Apple Corporation started out as a hot dog stand in downtown Peoria. They later started making computers after they realized their name had nothing to do with hot dogs.
Steve Jobs got to name Apple after he beat Steve Wozniak in an arm-wrestling competition. If he had lost Wozniak would have named the company Weatherbug.
Macs use "WOM" (Write-Only-Memory) Chips. They're pretty self-explanatory, and quite useful for people who want to "Save Once, Access Never."
By as early as 2037 Apple hope to capture the first sale of a Macintosh to a heterosexual.
You guys are assholes.
Apparently in The Good 'Ol U S Of A Powerbooks are made of 'Aluminum' , George bush having sold off the extra syllables in Aluminium to Bill Gates to get money for guns.
And in England a Synonym for 'Ignorant closet-gay lemming-like moron' is 'PC using American'.
I only have 3(two) points to make.
Unlike Windows software, which is usually written in C or C++, Mac software is written in Norwegian.
In July 2004 Big Ben, the bell in the clock tower of the Houses of Parliament, was replaced with an anglepoise iMac and some really big speakers.
If you urinate on a Mac, it doesn't matter.
"New Games Journalist" Kieron Gillen is an experimental AI running on an eight-year-old Mac Quadra.
"Old Games Journalist" Gary Cutlack is a 6-year old unhandled exception error* in System 7 that has raged out of control and spread onto the interweb.
* instruction at 0x002520BA trying to read memory at 0x00000010, memory could not be read.
Contrary to popular belief, Powerbook G5s are actually frisbees.
A Mac in the hand is totally worth two up a tree - so throw with all your might.
The invention of the iMac predates the invention of the PC by thousands of years. It also predates the discovery of fire by about two and a half minutes.
They plan to eventually emalgamate the two to form 'Starmacs'.
If you take a mac apart and reassemble the bits, it is possible to make a Harley Davidson; albeit a Harley that has a top speed of about two and half miles per hour and bursts in to flames and murders you after four yards.
I, Mike Skinner, touched an iMac this week. The little bugger wasn't turned on, but it managed to take a chunk out of my left index knuckle. They may look smooth, but they have sharp bits.
All macs have a button hidden on the back of the keyboard which makes the noise of someone typing.
'Mac' is another way of saying 'pimp' or 'dirty raincoat'. Think about it.
The next generation macs will have even less mouse buttons: none! The existing mouse button will become a multikey keystroke on the keyboard; Apple has since released a press statement revealing it hopes to eventually compress a whole mac in to one giant red button that says 'Go!' on it.
If you compare a mac to a tortoise, the hare will almost certainly win.
Half Life 2 for the mac is almost indistiguishable from Half Life 1, which is in turn almost indisiguishable from Pacman.
Mac boot-up sequences are the second largest cause of global warming.
Macs running OS X are the first.
HA HA! Macs are teh suxx0r! LOL!
oh oh, and Mac's CD drives don't have any open/close buttons! You have to open and close it with your mind power. Must concentrate when you do that.
If you dropped a Mac and a PC from the top of the Eiffel Tower at exactly the same time, you would get the most satisfaction from watching the Mac hit the ground and shatter into a thousand white shards.
"Macintosh" comes from combing the latin words "Macei" and "Innitoe"; roughly translated as "To gaze in horror and dispair"
What Mac software lacks in stability and features it makes up for with very pretty rounded UI widgets and realtime drop-shadows on every single thing on screen.
In certain parts of Saudi Arabia it is a crime punishable by beheading to own, or intend to own, a Mac.
Removing the top from your iMac turns it into a handy magazine storage rack / toast warmer.
The myth that elephants are terrified of mice was incorrectly propogated; they are infact afraid of Macs.
The Apple key on a Mac keyboard is based on a demonic sigil, the unholy incantation pattern of Gal N'Urth, the god of mosquitoes.
1) Upon removing your brand new Mac from its packaging, refrigerate immediately. Otherwise... Lyme Disease.
2) In 1943, the United States Army secretly exposed 1,300 soldiers to Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing on the Mac SE. Forty-five years later, they complained of joint pain.
3) Incriminating filenames recovered from a Newton (portable information device or "PDA") found on the person of Saddam Hussein upon his capture in a spiderhole, submitted to UNMOVIC by the Pentagon:
-- "Were I hId teh WmDs in damaskis"
-- "tO my frend Osama re: that THING"
-- "for Alarm Texas sytle beercan chickn"
4) Macs are half wolf.
Macs need to be frequently covered in citric acid to stop them going 'off'
Ihr seit ja hier wohl alle die totalen Kackbratzen. Euch hat doch wohl euer eigener FickPC ins Gehirn geschissen. Tja, wie sagt man so schön was der Bauer nicht kennt das frisst er nicht. Hie eine kleine Belehrung http://www.onlinekosten.de/news/artikel/17451/1
all PC-User are Motherfuckers and Suckers - MAC is the best!!!
The "LC" in Mac LC stands for Lowest Common, with the D for Denominator being left off to try and reduce manufacturing costs.
Mac user Dave Downing uses his Mac predominantly for looking at pictures of underage girls in bikinis; A task that it handles with sub-standard reliability.
The Mac Mini was built in partnership with BMW to help promote the Mini One Sport edition. When it boots, the OS loading screen reads "Its A Mini Adventure". And then it crashes and reboots.
If you punch a Mac enthusiast enough times in the face, they still won't change their mind.
Apple's successful product, the iPod, is responsible for 105% of the company's annual turnover.
The proper way to "shut down" a Mac after using it is to unload both barrels of a Browning B25 20-Bore shotgun into the chassis; otherwise the harddrives don't park properly and the read heads crash onto the plates.
To defragment your cherished Mac's harddrive, empty both barrels of a Browning B25 20-Bore shotgun into it, before doing the same to your poor, confused head.
Apple was originally started by the Beatles in 1965. The iWhite Album was released in 1967.
Contrary to popular belief, Apple macs do not 'boot up'. No. The world has to 'boot down' to use its operating system.
Apple macs operate at high temperatures so as to prevent freezing.
macs emit electromagnetic waves that permeate the brains of users and unaware passers by, these waves trigger off a certain neurotic reaction that hook people to them like lab rats on with dopamine switches.
my advise, wear aluminum... that includes when going out, with the current out break of the iPod plague no where is safe!!!!!
macs emit electromagnetic waves that permeate the brains of users and unaware passers by, these waves trigger off a certain neurotic reaction that hook people to them like lab rats on with dopamine switches.
my advise, wear aluminum... that includes when going out, with the current out break of the iPod plague no where is safe!!!!!
Most of these are pretty damn funny (even to my mac using friends) but "ffs" seems to have something personal against mac users. Did a Mac kill your parents, ffs? Chill, dude, it's only a computer.
Apple's stock price is determined by a complex algorithm that only uses Apple's "coolness quotient" and the currently probability of the PowerBook G5 to ever be released.
funny
but macs are still more fun!
so there !
and i may be a nerd, but at least i am a fashionable nerd.
you people have far too much time on your hands...
Even Chuck Norris uses a Mac.
Well you all know the interesting facts about Cuck Norris, and if *he* uses a Mac, it must be worth it.
Well he just uses his Mac to throw it at guys that he can't reach with a roundhousekick (which can almost reach everything), but he uses it.
Apple have recently announced their plans to make ipods first even whiter, then emit pure blinding sunlight, then make them invisible, and then sell people absolutely nothing at all.
apple claim that macs are 10 times as reliable, fast and spacious as pcs and theyre right !!!!!
Macs are the most amazing and sexiest machines ever created!
Every mac has a secret holder for your designer spectacles which is revealed by saying the magic words "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet"
If you bash your mac keyboard too hard, it will automatically play soothing music and inject you with a happy drug
In an IKEA showroom, macintosh computers are displayed in the lounges, not the offices
A macintosh can only display soft, not hard porn, in order to protect the keyboard from dirt
One of the missing mouse buttons is used to ring the doorbell at a brothel in Paris. If you double-click, it does nothing.
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鋼琴搬運
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