Hungario SuperTech reveals new entry-level organic calculator

Each woman holds a number, then you jumble them up into the right order. Currently it only goes up to 35, but a further 65 women are being depilated and put into bikinis ready for release of the Hungario SuperTech Model II calculator in fiscal year 2006/7.



3 + 4 = FUN.

Some sort of new phone

Probably a Nokia. And almost certainly with a camera. If all phones were marketed like this we'd be living in a house made out of Nokia 6680s.



This one is definitely not being marketed at women or the gays.

Panasonic X800 -- Another phone we're not cool enough to own

Look at this fashionable man. Even when we wear our cool scarf we're nothing like as aspirational as this cool dude. The marketers are alienating their geeky consumers!



And we can't wear white. It makes our "man boobs" look too big. The future's looking less appealing by the day.

Another way to COMPLETELY RUIN your PSP

The Gametech TV Cap ruins the picture quality, portability, usability and all the other cool abilitites that make PSP Sony's least-shite invention yet. Well done!

And that's a photograph of a car:



We're as bewildered by this technology as granddad is by Instant Messenger and IRC.

The new best site in the world ever by miles

This is a site of fake promotional images of business. It's brilliant, and the kind of thing we'd have done if we had (a) friends and (b) a suit. There's a limit to what you can do on your own in a flat with a digital camera.



It's a bit copied from "The Office" but still quite a genius idea for bored people to do.

MORE HERE:
NWYH Stock Image Library

We won't be lonely this Christmas!

Thanks to the USB Christmas tree!



An ideal centrepiece for any single man who thinks there's "no point" in bothering to put up Christmas decorations this year. All we need now is a Real Doll with "real gripping hands" so we have someone to pull a Christmas cracker with.

Some Japanese site about it, in Japanese

OTHER SINGLE MAN CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEAS:

'Bed Shoes' for when it's really cold in bed on your own

A PC World voucher for 129 pounds for that new graphics card

1400 tins of Heinz Tomato Soup

Body Shop 'Suicide Basket' (organic vodka, herbal sleeping pills)

Any alcohol, it doesn't matter what kind

Deluxe Toast Kit (toaster, bread, jam)

A hot water bottle that has a built-in vagina

Register a "tech blog" so you have something to do at the weekends

Another mug, so you have TWO mugs in case a visitor (mum or dad) comes round.

An MP3 player that says "Are you OK?" once an hour

Post your ideas for great Christmas gifts for lonely single men in the Comments bit! (we don't expect this to be as popular as the Mac Facts one, but if we make it to 20 comments it'd be nice).

Sony uses tired old "drugs" advertising for new WALKMAN ads

Oh look. How cool! Sony's pretending WALKMAN is LIKE DRUGS and therefore very fashionable -- "Music is an addiction and the new Walkman is your way to feed that addiction" it says, trying in a really rubbish way to be as cool as smoking crack backstage at a 50 Cent concert.



That's a WALKMAN next to a glass of water, because it's like a DRUGS TABLET OF DRUGS! This is aspirational and cool, and makes us wish we had an expensive crack habit! (and a new WALKMAN for when we're "coming down" and want to listen to "chill out" music).

HERE'S SONY SAYING HOW COOL DRUGS ARE:
SONY WALKMAN IS REBORN WITH NEW THROUGH THE LINE CAMPAIGN
Sony launches a European TV, Print and Poster campaign to support the launch of the incredible new Sony WALKMAN

Berlin, 14 November 2005 -- Starting mid November, the advert concentrates on the theme that music is an addiction and the new Walkman is your way to feed that addiction. The TV campaign is a series of executions that witnesses the new WALKMAN grow from a 'pill' sized version of itself into the real product, while a voiceover warns the viewer of the mysterious power and potential addiction to the product.

Supporting the TV campaign is a comprehensive print campaign running across a wide range of media. The copy and graphics in the print creatives imply the effects the new WALKMAN can have on your life. The creatives are also reflected in stores in the point of sale materials and interactive demonstration pods, where visitors will have the opportunity to sample the players.

David Patton, Senior Vice President, Marketing Communications Europe stated: "The new Walkman is a genuinely like no other product. It’s unique design and powerful functionality will set it apart in the market this Christmas".

26 years after its launch, Sony is again redefining portable music with its new Walkman featuring ergonomic designs and an exciting range of intelligent features.

*JINGLE* Weird sex thing of the weeeeeeek!

It's the Big Nose Appreciation Page!



Featuring such quotes as:

"Seriously Val a big nose like yours turns me on. Can you send me some pics at sexyb10496@aol.com"

"What do you think about my girlfriend's nose? I like to look at her nose in every angle. This one is a nostril shot."

"The main goal is to try and bring together all the people that like big noses in a friendly environment of communication."

There was also a link to a Flickr collection of nose pics (WARNING: contains DOG NOSES).

The Big Nose Appreciation Page

Samsung makes some thin new phones

But it only sent out one photo of all of them together in a line, so we can't tell which one is which.



Not very interesting, but THIN. Like a glamour model. Also, wouldn't it have been more useful to send out photos of them FROM THE SIDE, seeing you can't tell how amazingly thin they are from the front?

THIS MIGHT HELP EXPLAIN THINGS:
The SGH-Z510's 2.2-inch QVGA screen displays crisp high-speed video streaming clips. It also includes MP3 playback functionality, allowing users to listen to 3D sound quality music content anywhere and at anytime.

The SGH-Z540 is a modernistic and exquisitely designed phone that will attract fashion-conscious consumers and working professionals who desire the many features of 3G in a superior slim design. It holds 150MB of content and supports Bluetooth and USB transfers.

The SGH-D800 is a 14.9mm slim slide-up phone that is packed with today's latest technology - 1.3 megapixel camera, document viewer, Bluetooth, PictBridge, and TV-out. Encased in a black and silver metal, it exudes modernity and elegance.

At a depth of 15.2 mm, the SGH-D820 is slim slide-up phone with a full line-up of multimedia features. It features a wide (2.12-inch) and high resolution (QVGA) LCD screen and 1.3 megapixel camera. With Quad Band capability, the SGH-D820 is functional across all GSM frequency bands. It also supports microSD external memory. With its modern, premium exterior design, the phone is the best fit for sophisticated business users who desire top-quality features in a sleek appearance.

Samsung's SGH-P300 is packed with the most advanced features in an elegant ultra slim package with mere 8.9mm thinness. This easy-to-carry mobile device shares the look and dimension of an ordinary credit card, yet comes with a 1.3 megapixel camera with flash, music player, and video recording capabilities. Its premium feather-light weight and stylish mini design is sure to turn heads everywhere you go. Nicknamed "The Card," the P300 is perfect for users who desire the most advanced mobile technical features in a slim, unique appearance.

FACTS ABOUT MACS!

A lot of people are confused about Mac computers. So let's clear up that confusion with a handy 'Beginner's Guide' featuring everything you need to know about Apple's Mac computer!

MAC FACTS:

The space bar on Macs stops working after 1000 presses. After that you have to buy additional spaces through iTunes for 10p each.

Macs can't connect to bitter rival Microsoft's Hotmail site.

Apple only added the letters 'x' 'y' and 'z' to the Mac keyboard in 2003.

Macs take 35 minutes to start up (OSX recently cut this down from 55 minutes).

To play MP3s on a Mac you need to install MacP3 and MPMac and MacPlayer and 3Pmac and Mac3P and 3MacWare's 3Player.

If a Mac crashes you have to send it back to Apple to get it reconfigured.

Each time you want to run a new application you have to install it from floppy disc.

The biggest Mac-compatible hard drive is 6MB - that's enough storage space for eight minutes of music.

To get the '@' sign to display on a Mac, you press down SHIFT+APPLE+SPACE+2+Z+INV+TAB+T

To delete something you have to drag it into the Waste bin!

Once you've put a disc in a Mac drive that disc is locked to that particular drive, and can't be played on any other drive.

Mac monitors only go up to 12 inches.

In order to connect a Mac to the internet, you have to first download the MacConnect drivers from the internet.

Moore's "Other Law" states that the power of Apple Macs increases by five percent every six years.

Hope that's cleared everything up. Please post any 'Mac facts' we may have missed in the Comments box.

SECOND thing-holding CHEAT kicked out

More shame was heaped upon the thing-holding scene today, with the expulsion of Mai Lei Wang for "having additional appendages". The two-times Hong Kong Freestyle Mobile Phone Holding division champ was found to have TWO additional arms and hands in tests following her victory in last month's Shanghai Open.

As you know, genetic modifications were outlawed from thing-holding in 1987, following the shamboilic '87 World Championships where a genetically altered Soviet team swept the board.



Mai Lei, pictured, clearly cheating by using additional hands.

Mai Lei has been stripped of her trophies, promotiong two-times Chinese runner-up Chi Meng to gold medal position. Mai Lei has vowed to clear her name, claiming the two additional arms and hands were "sewn on as she slept" as part of a conspiracy to discredit her.

The Kenpo Jacket for iPod

"The Kenpo Jacket for iPod is the pinnacle of form, function and personal style, in that technology and fashion, the two factors that have the greatest influence on the daily lives of the consumer, are now fully integrated to create an entirely new lifestyle genre"



This MUST be a viral marketing joke web site. Surely?

Kenpo

THE MOST LUDICROUSLY PRETENTIOUS PRESS RELEASE OF ALL TIME:
In a harmonious convergence of fabric technology and fashion forward style, Kenpo(R), Inc., a leading manufacturer of apparel, has redefined the iPod(R) listening experience and ushered in a new lifestyle reality with the unveiling of the Kenpo Jacket for iPod. Empowering everyday music enthusiasts to seize control of their listening experience, Kenpo's innovative union of fashion and technology enables wearers to keep their iPod device in the jacket's inner pocket, and still manage the pause, skip tracks and volume using the easily accessible interface located on the lower portion of the jacket's sleeve without fumbling with zippers, gloves or pockets.

Allowing iPod-users to wear their music on their sleeve, Kenpo's technology enabled line of jackets employs ElekTex(R) patented "smart fabric" touch pad technology to transform the sleeve into a 5-button electronic control panel for use with the iPod and iPod mini models. The discreetly placed 100% fabric interface utilizes touch-sensitive buttons that are identical to those found on the iPod Device, meaning wearers can Play, Pause, Track Forward, Track Back, and change the Volume Levels without ever removing their iPod from the specially designed, padded interior pocket. Absent of any wires or a metal contact, the jacket is machine washable, completely self-powered and requires no batteries.

"The Kenpo Jacket for iPod is the pinnacle of form, function and personal style, in that technology and fashion, the two factors that have the greatest influence on the daily lives of the consumer, are now fully integrated to create an entirely new lifestyle genre," said Joel Bernstein, vice president of Kenpo, Inc. "Both fashion and music have always defined and inspired attitudes and personal style, and now people have the opportunity to better control their own environment, while enhancing their everyday life by setting it to music."

Designed to keep current with the hottest trends and styles, and appeal to the general consumer, the Kenpo's Jacket for iPod is available in four men's styles, has a suggested retail price of $275.00 and is available at leading department stores as well as online.

Latest 3G developments

Sprite has been upgraded to 3G network compatibility:



And so ends the worst week of updates for quite some time :(

IRN Talking Shop - Product News

Three new Nokia phones today!

There's the N71, N80 and N92.



The N92 is best. It's "the first integrated DVB-H mobile device in the Nokia Nseries range for watching broadcast TV programs" and you can open it up both ways. That's a nice feature, although we're worried about that hinge going wonky.



They've sent out a photo of it next to some headphones, so it must be able to play music for cool people too! We can't be bothered to download and resize images of the other two. The N71 is a boring 'flipper', the N80 is a boring 'slider'.

Sony Cyber-shot T9

It's Carl Zeiss we feel sorry for, he must be rushed off his feet in his little lens factory.



We're not sure what's new about this. It's 6.0 megapixels and 3x optical zoom, so it must be "the inclusion of Super SteadyShot reduces camera shake for crystal clear photos, and combined with the camera’s High Sensitivity, blurry images are a thing of the past" that's supposed to be the exciting bit.

Those sort of things never work though. Do they? If you want to take photos that aren't blurry, here's what to do: Zoom out, and go closer to what you're taking a picture of. It's the zooming in that creates the shake.

NEXT WEEK ON PHOTOGRAPHY FOR BEGINNERS:

- How dark is dark enough for the flash?
- How "turning it off" saves battery power.
- Pros and cons about dropping it on the floor.

Mitsubishi makes a new kind of car!

We don't know much about cars, except that there must be AT LEAST fifty different kinds. Most of them are red and some have radios inside!



Make that 51 types of car! This is a new Mitsubishi, unveiled at some car show (we did remember which one it was, but have been saving the image for three days and have now forgotten. It may have been Tokyo) and it's almost certainly going to be the newest Mitsubishi Evo.

COULD THIS UPDATE HAVE BEEN ANY WORSE?
Yes, the link to the image could've been broken.