Blu-Ray now four times as amazing!

You know that Blu-Ray thing no one wants because it's really expensive and unless you sit two feet away from your TV you can't tell the difference anyway?

Well, all the technology companies are going crazy and actually supporting it. Not only that, but they're spending their own money on trying to make it better - by doing stuff like adding 4x write speed.



Basically, the point is this thing from LG costs about £550 and lets you record Blu-Ray discs four times as fast. We confidently predict we'll never burn a Blu-Ray disc. Ever.

THESE ARE THE FORMATS IT CAN 'DO'

BD-R (SL) 2x, 4x CLV
BD-RE (SL) 2x CLV
DVD-R 2x, 4x CLV, 8x, 12x PCAV
DVD-R Dual Layer 2x, 4x CLV
DVD-RW 1x, 2x, 4x, 6x CLV
DVD-RAM 2x, 3x ZCLV, 5x PCAV
DVD+R 2.4x, 4x CLV, 8x ZCLV, 12x PCAV
DVD+R DL 2.4x, 4x CLV
DVD+RW 2.4x, 4x, 6x, 8x ZCLV
CD-R 4x, 8x CLV
CD-RW 4x, 8x, 10x CLV

And why the hell are there SEVEN different types of DVD?

Philips launches a 1080p HDTV plasma

Ideal for watching all those Blu-Ray movies on thanks to your amazing PlayStation3! Blu-Ray is the future - the future Laserdisc. This is the joyously-named Philips 42PF9631 which uses a plasma screen. And it costs £2300 which means we won't ever be owning one, either.



It's also got the Ambilight thing Philips loves so much, which is a light that shines on the wall behind it and a feature that's impossible to get excited about - hence this being a non-amusing, workmanlike update.

Sony Ericsson V630i - for students. That are also DJs :(

+ It's like a nightclub and a party in your pocket! :)

- Also comes with plug-in speakers :(



"What makes this phone extra special is its support of Vodafone's new Radio DJ service, an innovative, interactive music streaming service that allows the creation of your own music channels by rating tracks as you listen. The more you listen and rate, the more intuitive and personalized the music channel becomes. Tracks can also be bought directly using the service and, with the supplied 256MB Memory Stick Micro (M2) card, the V630i can store as many as 230 tracks to take with you wherever you go."

AS WELL AS ALL THAT IT'S GOT ALL THIS:

Entertainment
o Vodafone Radio DJ
o Music player (with MP3, AAC, AAC+, eAAC+ support)
o OMA DRM phase 1
o Phone speaker
o Full streaming Audio/Video
o Polyphonic >64 ring tones
o Java MIDP 2.0
o 3D games
o Sony Ericsson Music DJ
o SE Video DJ
o SE Picture DJ
o Mobile TV on Vodafone live! with 3G
o Stereo headset
o 256MB M2 card

Imaging & Messaging
o 176x220 pixels, TFT 1.9"
o 262k Color display
o 2.0 Megapixel camera
o VGA Video Telephony camera
o Consumer push email
o 2x digital zoom
o Video recording/playback
o SMS and MMS
o QuickShare
o Instant Messaging

Connectivity
o UMTS 2100
o Bluetooth EDR
o PC Tools & Software
o USB 2.0 Mass storage FS
o USB charging
o USB cable
o Fast port connector
o External antenna connector
o Flight mode
o HTML Full Browser with RSS

Rubbish World Cup tie-in #3

As if the idea of a table with a built-in PC wasn't stupid enough...



It's the World Cup Powerdesk. It has a 19" LCD screen, a TV tuner, and most incredibly of all, costs EIGHT THOUSAND POUNDS.

It's extremely unlikely that anything more stupid than this will ever be invented.

Sony Ericsson Z550 exists within a futuristic utopia

The year is 2109. After the great war, mankind has evolved a new understanding of peace and unity. This 'Neo Mankind' communicates entirely by cellphone, even when people are standing right next to each other. Probably because they get loads of free minutes.

Sony Ericsson, via the medium of product photography for its Z550, is giving us a glimpse of this fantastic possible future world NOW:



Everyone also wears white and money has been replaced by 'credits'. Food comes out of a machine which you speak into and if you say "chips" some chips come out of it (actually if you say chips crisps come out of it, as it was made in America).




This is what the phone looks like. Sony Ericsson says the Z550 comes in "pearl and copper" by which it means white and orangey brown. The phone's a pretty tame 1.3 megapixel, MP3-playing, tri-band Bluetooth job. Nothing worth getting excited or looking at alternative tarrifs and contracts about.




Hurry up and arrive, The Future! It'll be so much easier talking to girls and getting girlfriends when all human communication is done entirely by text message, eliminating 'nervous stuttering' and self-image issues once and for all.

'The Borg' announces new 2007 uniform

For too long The Borg has been seen as stuffy and regimented. The Borg is emotionally positive in announcing that this situation has now been rectified.



Featuring Bluetooth, wi-fi and VOIP as standard, The Borg will be able to easily keep in touch with The Collective - whatever sector they may be currently assimilating.



This physically appealing new uniform will change perception of The Borg, introducing a new stylish vibe to collective members across the galaxy.

All humans will be required to wear uniform.

The Airbus A380

We're not going on one until:

At least three have been 'lost' due to technical issues

The entire fleet has been recalled for critical fuselage strengthening

The flight software is up to version 3.0

Issues with the fuel tank have been resolved

And can they make it so we can play wi-fi games and go on the internet. That lot should take about 15 years. THEN maybe we'll go on one. We're not being one of the first batch of 880 guinea pigs.

THE NEXT BUZZPHRASES OF THE AIR INDUSTRY:
Automation may be too complex

Flight deck automation issues

The 'Encompass' debuts at Samsung Electronics stand 2248

The world of cellphone holding took a giant leap forward today, as Samsung's Head of Holding & Display (EMEA) Kim-Lin Dang debuted a new thing-holding manoeuvre to trade and press - the 'Encompass'.



Kim-Lin is 'Encompassing' an impressive four cellphones - the business model G1000, the Bluetooth-equipped Samsung X1, the wi-fi VOIP-compatible Samsung GX1 and the fashionable consumer-oriented home phone H50.

With their naturally longer arms, perhaps this is an area in which Western technology-holders can finally gain an advantage over their Eastern rivals?

Sony's Blu-Ray VAIO AR Series

Blu-Ray, the unwanted disaster nobody needs, is slowly dragging the entire Sony portfolio down with it.

You've seen PS3, the over-priced Blu-Ray trojan horse nobody wants, now Sony's shoe-horning the pointless HD format into its latest range of laptops.



It's the VAIO AR Series, with Blu-Ray to make it more expensive than other laptops and therefore less worth buying. We're loving every second of Sony's gradual Blu-Ray-lead disintegration.



And Sony's doing a Blu-Ray desktop too. No price has been announced, but retail sources we've spoken to this morning suggest it could be close to SEVERAL MILLION POUNDS.

The Nokia 5500 "Sport"

The only thing "Sport" about it is the way it reads out TXT MSGS for you, so say, if you're WORKING OUT AT THE GYM you don't have to stop to read your TXT. It also has a pedometer.



It's a phone with a stopwatch.

SOME GREAT QUOTES FROM THE OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE:

"Nokia 5500 Sport: Smartphone with a six-pack"

"On the bank of Iceland's world-famous Blue Lagoon, the Nokia 5500 Sport leaped into the world arena, displaying its sleek, sporty design with an athletic lifestyle appeal"

"The Nokia 5500 Sport features all the technology that every active-minded consumer needs, and is specially designed to withstand the daily rigours of work and work-out"

"The Nokia 5500 Sport combines the passion and spirit of sports with the latest in mobile communications. It's an ideal companion for an active, urban lifestyle"

"The Nokia 5500 Sport offers these consumers a mobile phone suited to their specific needs - during a jog in the park, a day at the beach and even that dress-to-impress first date"

"Don't take your eyes off the track or that magazine, just tap the Nokia 5500 Sport and the message is read out to you"

A waterproof MP3 player

For why? Are there really people out there who want to show off their eclectic MP3 bootmash collections while in the shower or at the seaside?



Maybe it's meant for council workers and poor people who have to go outside when it's raining?

Rubbish World Cup tie-in #2

Take one of your company's most rubbish mobiles, whack an England flag on it then sell it to one million dumb-fuck plasterers and brick-layers across the country.

"Come on ENGLAND!"



Then, when brave England manage to lose their early one-goal lead to the Czech Republic and go out in the second-round, throw it away and get something better from Nokia.

Free TV online via Channelchooser

We'll be just watching the Fashion Channel all day at work from now on, maybe switching to 67, The Lingerie Channel, when we get home.



It's some sort of free TV feed aggregator, as far as we can tell. There's proper porn on it, too!

Channelchooser :: pick click play internet TV-channels

Computing for Women: Lesson 1

Don't pour water on it

If you DO pour water on it, just start crying and make up a lie about what happened.

Self-portrait disaster photographs

Some people have great ideas.





Takes a brave (or mental) person to go outside in their pajamas.

MORE HERE:
Enid Crow Disasters

Let's have a House Party!

With the Gear4 HouseParty II, a stylish home speaker system for iPod!



It's the sort of party where no girls turn up then crack addicts kick the door in and steal your TV. The next morning you find the dismembered stripper. Worse still, she bled to death all over the carpet and it's soaked into the floorboards so even if you can get rid of the bitch's body you're pretty much guaranteed to get done for it.

It's £70 and also comes in black.

Nokia's fashionable and sexy friends

These photos were taken with Nokia's N73 and N93 phones. They're supposed to show off how good the phone's cameras are.

Instead, they make us feel ashamed of how ugly and un-photogenic all the people we know are.



If we had a female friend who looked like this... we'd be in jail for cutting her into small pieces - and the evidence would be all there in high resolution 3.2 megapixel still images on our Nokia N73!




Oh. She's got a boyfriend.




Oh. They're all happy.




These meatbag fucksluts are taking photos of their boyfriends playing football. Seriously, look:




That's because there's a World Cup coming. We can't wait for more of this genius take-a-photo-of-a-football-next-to-it marketing that's going to be everywhere over the next three months.




Wankers. Who has a sofa outside?