The BATTERY KING - Encore!

We can't let it go. Batteries are simply TOO GREAT FOR LOOKING AT. Here are a few more from the KING's amazing personal collection, along with his comments on these, his favourites.

After this, we promise, we really will stop, as everyone's getting bored and irritable even though one of them's called "UltraZMAJ". How can you not want to see a battery called UltraZMAJ?




"UltraZMAJ" (or whatever that is) was a gift that someone bought me from some former Yugoslavian backwater.




"VRPower" is obviously powered by virtual reality, so is therefore very good.



"WhiteElephant" is my favourite of them all.




"Xinliba" looks like the poor Mexican cousin of Duracell (I imagine it to be pronounced "Heenleeba") and came with an N64 rumble pak.




"Start" was found in a rented flat, and seems to be from the 1950s.




"Danelectro" was a beauty in its day. Alas, death comes to us all. It came from a guitar tuner, btw.






Two of my favourites: "PoleVolt" and "Power Makes Sense", which came from a fan.




"National Hi-Top" were from a Casio keyboard, I think.




"Musso" from another guitar tuner.




Interestingly, the design of the "Konnoc" is an almost direct rip-off of the "Maxell Super Ace".




"Chener" came from a novelty flashing yoyo.


THAT REALLY IS IT FOR US AND BATTERIES
Unless we get any with a better name than UltraZMAJ.

We have been "pwned" by the BATTERY KING

A man called Steven emailed us to say he has 85 batteries. Not only that, he takes photos of them against nice backgrounds and sends them off to web sites to share his love of batteries.

He sent us six, as a teaser.













He is the BATTERY KING. We cannot compete. You lot can stop sending us photos of batteries now and we'll go back to doing disinterested updates about things from Nokia and Samsung we don't care about or understand.

That's a LIE! Never stop sending us photos of batteries. Batteries are ace. Each time you pop the compartment lid you just never know what East-European surprise is going to pop out next! This must be what it feels like to be addicted to heroin.

Amazingly, while we were writing those hilarious above paragraphs and casually making amusing references to drug addiction that ruins thousands of lives, the BATTERY KING sent us another six photos:















Then he sent us another six. Then another six. Then another six. Then another six. Then another six. Then another six. Then ANOTHER SIX.



But we'd sort of got bored of downloading and resizing images of batteries by then, so we stopped. We're now scared a bit of the BATTERY KING and are worried we've triggered off an unstoppable chain events that's inevitably going to lead to several deaths.

Still, thanks Steve! Awesome collection, and proof that we're not in any way weird - or at least not the most weird - when it comes to liking batteries.

TEAP - for power and style

And for batteries that look like Duracell, but probably only cost the suppliers 10p for five thousand.



Come back next week, when you'll be pleased to hear we'll be ending it all (the battery updates, not life) with the help of what must be the world's single biggest authority on foreign batteries.

JapanTech - fuelling today's technology

The dual, UNSTOPPABLE POWER SOURCE behind both the Toplodos Freeview box remote AND the Wharfedale 21" television remote! Japan Tech is clearly the world's favourite low-unit-cost in-box battery supplier.



Well done, Japan Tech. Your BATTERY OF THE DAY award is going off to wherever it is you're based, which we're prepared to bet heavily is in China or Taiwan.

AVerMedia TV card 'goes Super NOVA'

Super NOVA batteries, that is!



For taking a photograph of his weird batteries in front of a monitor showing Idiot Toys and therefore legitimising and confirming our existence out in the real world, the Super NOVA battery-sender is our WEIRD FOREIGN BATTERY PHOTO-SENDER OF THE DAY.

PLEASE NOTE:
We're still nothing like bored of doing this yet, so if you're bored of batteries you might like to not come back here again for at least a couple of weeks. We've got a huge backlog to get through.

Neo Geo Pocket and Toshiba KING POWER RED - moving forwards through energy

Dear Idiot Toys,

Regarding the 'weird batteries' blog thing...

Bought myself a Neo Geo Pocket, opened the baby up, and found Japanese Toshiba "KING POWER" batteries. Not sure how much power a King has these days, but to bolster it they made them "KING POWER - Red" With a flourish on the Red... so a gay King? A Queen King?

Oh the potential... The rest of the battery is filled purely with Japanese Safety information, which I am unable to translate beyond the fact that it may state "Assembled in Nagasaki"... Ah, that's where the power of kings comes from then...

Enjoy,
Bouncybhall

Assembled in Nagasaki? Our Japanese expert tells us the lettering actually translates as "contains the same amount of energy as 1000 bombs of the size used on Nagasaki during WWII".

Despite the obvious dangers caused by the safety information being only in Japanese - so an inexperienced battery user may think it's OK to recharge these babies or, heaven forbid, dispose of them in a fire and therefore trigger some sort of massive chemical explosion that'll burn for weeks and poison the surrounding countryside for decades - we're appointing KING POWER RED today's FOREIGN BATTERY OF THE DAY.

EBF batteries - the power behind the Yamaha RX-V357

Sexy design, reminiscent of the Bic logo. Beautiful fade effect on that red, too.



Well done, Yamaha. You win today's FOREIGN BATTERY OF THE DAY award.

Conia DVD player - batteries sensationally EXPOSED!

Whatever model of Conia DVD player it was, its remote came with 'Large' batteries, which are confusingly actually the same size as normal AA batteries!



Trying to buy some 'Large' batteries that are the same size as normal batteries would be like living in a Two Ronnies sketch! Which would be great, so we therefore declare 'Large' batteries today's FOREIGN BATTERY OF THE DAY.

Sky HD - battery exclusive!

Some variants of the Sky HD remote use "Clescell" batteries. This is what they look like. We've never seen this kind of battery before!



If you have any amazing-looking foreign battery photos, please send them in. Just say what device they came with. We're seriously thinking of becoming a blog just about weird battery types. If we're massively obsessed with looking at what kind of batteries are in things, surely other people are too. This could be big.

"I used to hate to have to put my iPod in my pocket"

So now you strap some awkward contraption to your SLEEVE instead? And, Tom Dudderidge, you're quite clearly lying about going jogging, as you're clearly a red-faced Northern businessman who owns a factory that imports things from China or Korea.



WORLD NONSENSE-SPEAKER OF THE DAY AWARD:
Tom Dudderidge, managing director of Disruptive Technology Channels, commented: "This great new addition to the X-Clip collection is perfect for when I'm out jogging or cycling on these warm summer evenings. I used to hate to have to put my iPod in my pocket or around my neck and feel it moving around with every step I took. The sports armband means this doesn't happen anymore, plus I can easily change tracks and turn up the volume without having to stop."

Dudderidge continued: "The X-Clip concept is unique and innovative. It allows you to keep your iPod protected in its hard protective case and simply clip on interchangeable X-Clip accessories, without ever having to remove the iPod from its case. The sports armband is great value for money, giving you the adjustable armband for getting active and also a hard protective case for day to day use thrown in! We were a bit concerned about protecting our iPods from the all too regular English summer (or winter!) rain, so we've added the emergency RainJacket feature. I love how this is so simple, a cheeky hidden hood, but functional too. The sports armband is the second addition to the X-Clip collection following on from the headphone splitter with more great products coming soon!"

So that was the World Cup in HD then

The BBC's terrestrial HD service looks alright, but it still sucks when the Germans win. When are they going to do something about that?

Here's a photo we took of the screen that doesn't really illustrate the HDTV picture quality at all, but at least shows we put the effort in:



Basically, HDTV looks good when you pay attention to it or sit unusually close to the screen, or if you rapidly switch back and forth between the HD feed and the regular analogue picture. There's loads less digital blockiness, and it almost looks as good as an old CRT image!

There's a bit of weird bluriness on the grass, but close-up shots and slow-mos look amazing. So yes, it's good and loads better than standard-def pictures blown up to HD resolutions, but it's no way worth paying £300 and an extra tenner a month for.

Like everyone says, the leap from PAL standard to HD just isn't as pronounced for us as it it is for the Americans and their rubbish NTSC system, so, frankly, we'll be watching the rest of the World Cup in Normal-D just to get around the hassle of having to use a separate bloody remote control.

THE PEOPLE WE FEEL SORRY FOR ARE:
We feel sorry for everyone who bought a new "HD Ready" LCD or plasma, then expected that would mean they get HDTV. People really do think that - we've read posts on proper, serious tech news forums where people ask questions like "Can I get an HD signal through SCART?" and "I'm connecting with the red and yellow leads, is that HD?" - these people aren't necessarily stupid, just not yet ready to make the HD leap.

So, the people we feel sorry for are people who've spent £1000 on an HD Ready TV, and are now wondering why everything looks so much worse than it did before. Don't worry, normal people, it'll all be better in time for World Cup 2010. Probably, if you've got Sky.

Another manbag 'toolbox' for laptops and stuff

By stuff we mean iPods. And PDAs. And hair wax. And the lastest copy of the 'Back To Mine' CD compilation range featuring chill-out music selected by someone like KT Tunstall, ideal for playing back at your bedsit after that DJ gig.



THE PRESS RELEASE IS PRETENTIOUS *GENIUS*

London 09, June 2006 - Pakuma creators of multi purpose urban bags, today announced the launch of CHOROKA K2. The CHOROKA K2 can hold all the tools you need to survive the urban jungle as well as a laptop up to 15.4" in its unique COCOON protection system.

CHOROKA K2 is the ultimate answer to the work / play balance enabling the modern man / woman to move with the times and never be without their essential kit and go straight from work to play without compromising on style or performance.

Christian Drew, Director of Pakuma says, "We want your Pakuma bag to be with you for a long time. Design and the finest materials are essential. As a designer first, I have carefully chosen colours and materials to make sure that each and every bag in the range has a unique sense of style and durability. So if you are looking for a notebook bag that is built to last, protects your laptop computer and hits the balance of practicality and style check out the range of Pakuma bags and find out more information online at www.pakuma.com.

Pakuma's bags are made using industry leading fabrics: tough woven straps designed to withstand the stresses and strains from carrying laptop computers; the best zips in the world from YKK and patented DURAFLEX buckles. A lot of time has been spent understanding the materials and the needs of the laptop user to ensure Pakuma products are timeless, eye-catching and last.

Horrendous media employees with Big Brother haircuts and bicycle couriers can buy one now for 50 quid.

NEW INSULT OF THE DAY:

Bags like this should be called "Toolboxes" - because they're for spanners.

London's terrestrial HDTV trial goes live

And we got on it. In the London area, the BBC, ITV, Channel 4 and Five are starting to test terrestrial broadcasts of high definition TV. That's proper HD television, only though a regular aerial.

To do it you need a special box:



This isn't the special box, just the normal box the special box came in. Thanks to this box, we're able to tell that our terrestrial HDTV decoder is a Humax HDCI-2000T. You can't buy them in the shops, which makes us feel this cool: VERY.




This is the slightly more special box. It has a yellow sticker on it that also makes us feel very cool and substantially superior to everyone else right now. It also picks up all the usual Freeview digital channels.




The display of SUPERIORITY! If you click on it the picture will go bigger, and you'll be able to see what the icons say and what the buttons do.




Here she is with her flaps open.




And a bit of rear-end action. We're connecting via component to a 32" Hyundai Q321. It's all very nice and looks hot, plus it worked first time which is a hell of a relief. We might upgrade to an HDMI-to-DVI lead later on, but the picture via component is pretty damn awesome - on the rare moments when some proper HD footage is actually shown.




This is the Humax decoder's remote. It's a bit 'Pay as You Go' but does the job.




These are its batteries! We LOVE looking at foreign batteries!




When we go old and mental and start collecting things, it's going to be different types of weird foreign batteries. These are the ones from our amplifier remote. They're ace!




These are the ones the XBox 360 came with! Bonkers foreign batteries! We love 'em!




And these are the ones in our alarm clock!




This is the Humax EPG. It's pretty good, and miles better than the awful one that's built into the Hyundai Q321. That's really quite annoying, as we now have to go back to using two separate remote controls just to watch telly with again. Oh, the humanity.

The BBC HD preview you see listed is by far the best of what's currently broadcasting. It's an hour long loop of trailers from its natural history documentaries Planet Earth and Galapagos, clips from Bleak House and loads of Later with Jools Holland for some reason. It looks very very sharp and lovely.




Usually, though, the BBC just shows upscaled regular stuff on its HD channel, accompanied by a disclaimer about it not being proper HD material.




Holy shit! It's Jessie Birdsall on BBC One in Holby City! Jessie's one of our favourite character actors, having risen to a sort of prominence in the BBC's soap opera disaster Eldorado, then taken a lead role in sexy Saturday spy drama Bugs. Since then he's been in loads of stuff, and is always ace.




Five is currently showing nothing - in low-def. The Humax EPG tells you what picture resolution the display is being broadcast in down there on the left. This is boring old PAL. Stupid PAL!




Channel 4 is showing a logo in high-def!




Look at how sharp it looks in extreme close-up. For people who like sitting really close to their TVs, high-def is going to ROCK! (for everyone else it's probably going to look about the same).




ITV is showing scenes of London and trains. That's trains AND high-def TV pictures. It's a geek's dream.




ITV's also gone out to Primrose Hill to take some nice landscape shots with its new HD camera.




ITV's using 1080i. Looks better on the screen in real life than in a photo of the screen, obviously.




We took a close-up to illustrate it looking better, but it didn't really work or make a difference.




We used to live in the third tower block on the right, just above the river there. It was a shit-hole. Ian probably still lives there, in his own filth.




And that's the end of that. The BBC and ITV will both be showing World Cup matches in proper HD from Friday June 9, so, if we can be bothered to do all this again, we might do all this again. As long as they don't take our special box away from us for talking about it on the internet.

The New York Apple store opens

And it's empty! Ha ha ha! No doubt all you iPod-creaming students/web designers/Mac-loving fuckostomy bags will say that this is a publicity photo taken before the shop officially opened in the Comments field, but you'd be wrong.



This photo was taken at 4:30pm in the afternoon, and the place is empty because all the students are still travelling home, all the web designers are still at work, and all the DJs are at home lining up their playlists for tonight's (non-paid) gig (friend's birthday party).

TODAY'S NEW INSULT-OF-THE-DAY

Fuckostomy bag

We keep getting sent press releases about trendy laptop bags

Or "satchels" as they call them. Satchels for laptops and anything else you might want to get stolen off you because you look like a rich ponce with a flash bag. The releases contain phrases like "fashionable yet intelligent protection for mobile devices" and "the added option of modifying your look with detachable colour straps".



We look gay enough as it is, the last thing we need is a specially designed silver urban satchel for carrying our tampons around in (a man always carries tampons with him, just in case a hot woman asks for one in a pub or nightclub... oh wait, that's cigarettes, isn't it?).

THEY'RE FRENCH, UNSURPRISINGLY:
Paris, France, 25th May 2006, – Be.ez, a leading manufacturer of multimedia accessories in Europe and Asia, announced today the new LEvertigo range of chic bags, allowing you to transport your laptop and other gadgets in style.

Be.ez's LEvertigo range is a selection of superbly designed and well-made satchels. LEvertigo Street is the first product to be launched from the new range. The LEvertigo is a notebook bag that allows you to transport a laptop up to 15.4" as well as documents and accessories in comfort and style. The Vertical design allows you to have the bag close to your body at all times, and with the padded computer sleeves, secret zipped pockets you are left with a protective and secure transporter bag.

Nicolas Cottard, CEO, Be-ez, commented: "Here at Be-ez we are dedicated to producing the most fashionable yet intelligent protection for mobile devices. We offer the best available material and design that people on the move will really appreciate. Featuring a cross-shoulder carrying style, Be-ez LEvertigo clings snugly to your body while maintaining its vertical status throughout your journey. With this unique vertical design, you can carry your notebook and favorite accessories on the go without being weighed down. The LEvertigo Street is a superbly vertical styled bag which is a protective, resistant, functional choice of a mobile home for any of your gadgets.

Cottard continued: "In addition to the LEvertigo Street, we have released a special edition bag called the Black Pearl. This is a trendy, stylish version of the LEvertigo giving the end user a choice of looking equally as fashionable as the gadgets inside the bag."

LEvertigo Street – Lets you take your chosen items with you anywhere in style using the protective satchel made from a combination of high quality materials. LEvertigo’ s design allows you to transport your belonging in a safe and vertical position adding a security to your trip.

LEvertigo Black Pearl – A stylish version of the street, giving you the same security, and positioning the street gives but with the added option of modifying your look with detachable colour straps to fit in with your mood and clothing.

The LEvertigo range is available now, a list of retailers can be found on http://www.be-ez.com/where.html

LEvertigo Street – £44.95 inc VAT

LEvertigo Black Pearl – £44.95 inc VAT

Sony's 1080p Grand Wega R70XBR2

It's a 1080p, three HDMI socket SXRD projector. We're not even the slightest bit interested in it, but there's nothing else new around today for us to write cynical updates about so we'll pretend to care.



It costs $7800, which we're not even going to attempt to translate into pounds because (a) it'll be too much, and (b) it's something by Sony so we obviously won't be touching it even if one just turns up in the post for free.