The Motorola SLVR L7e

No idea what's different about it. But it's pretty. If only Motorola phones didn't have interfaces that would try the patience of Stephen Hawking.



It does have "Class 10 EDGE" support though! But Wikipedia doesn't say what Class 10 EDGE is. Which means we don't know what Class 10 EDGE is. Has everyone else started using Wikipedia as their main source of memory instead of their brains too?

Nokia N93 photo samples

We love seeing what cameraphones can do, almost as much as we love stock photography.

IMAGINE THE TWO COMBINED!



This is a photo taken with Nokia's new N93. It's also an accurate portrayal of events - the real men are playing sport and being cool, while the geeky mobile phone obsessive is standing around behind them taking arty photos with his new phone to put on his blog.



But this is how it will mainly be used - taking photos of girls when they're not looking. This example is wrong though, as all photos will be blurry and of sexy shoes girls are wearing on trains.

WHEN DID WE USE THESE PHOTOS BEFORE?
Back in May. We thought they looked a bit familiar, but had already spent two minutes on the update. And the phone came out last week.

Nokia 330 GPS sat nav thing

It's also a media player, so you can watch porn while driving instead of paying attention to where your car is on the road in relation to that bus stop full of innocent children.



We will always favour reading maps and stopping when you get lost, perhaps even performing the ultimate shameful act of admitting you're heading in the wrong direction and turning around. You spend more on petrol, but it's a bit like you're having fun in the 'old days'.

Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology debuts wanking machine

Finally. The wanking machine we've all demanded. The left hand is soft and cupped for your balls, the right hand has articulated fingers for shaft grip and/or anal stimulation. Perfect.



It'll be marketed on shopping channels as a shoulder massager for stressed businessmen.

AND IT'S ALSO MAKING CHEAP LUBE:
Moisturizing activity equivalent to that of natural ceramides at one tenth of the cost of current products

Face recognition technology still has some way to go

Maybe these results are also skewed by the lack of fat celebs:



"WAYNE GRETZKY?!" sobbed Sonia, as her life blood drained into the bath and she lapsed into unconsciousness, away from the constant pain of life.

What are you people DOING?

So they made a new scooter. Well done. It looks nice and is cheap, plus it runs on electricity and we'd quite like to have one, would it not reduce our life expectancy in London from another 30 years to six minutes.

It's probably got AWESOME batteries inside it, too!

But then they go and spoil it all, by doing something stupid like taking 'lifestyle' photography:



If we had hair that nice and a friend to hold the camera and were taking these photos as a joke, that's pretty much the pose we'd strike.



Is he meant to be illustrating speed? Is that the model 'being at' 30kmph?



There's no need to hire this man at all. He's not even sitting on it or pointing at a feature. Imagine being that model and getting paid money to just stand near something for a bit. How we hate the attractive people and their 'hair'.

MORE:
scoot

Bunch of Tools

Urban Tool. It's an amazingly apt name for a company that makes iPod t-shirts.



It's called an "iPod grooveRider U". By Urban Tool. Hear that whining sound? That's us, despairing in the bathroom.

AN EXPLANATION
Dear foreign readers, "tool" is a kind of swear word in Great Britain. For example, "Let's not tell Gary we're going to the pub, as he's a right fucking tool".

TOOLS:
URBAN TOOL : fashion to wear your entertainment

Sandisk Sansa 2GB - a proper review

Just bought one of these on impulse, even though we really ought to be getting sent cool stuff like this for free.



It's 2GB, and has a Micro SD slot on it, which we thought was really great and totally 'futureproof' - until we saw how shit the Micro SD card 'scene' is and how they only seem to go up to 1GB at the moment. That's the problem with improperly researched impulse purchases.

Still, it's got 'the radio' for listening to music for free with, plus it's also a voice recorder so you can justify the purchase easier as that means it can also be used as a dictaphone. You know, for in meetings.

It's also good because it's not an iPod, plus you can record off the radio and everything's saved in a nice folder as an MP3 so you can pull it off onto your PC. It lights up, which is nice, although the big round dial feels a bit plasticy. It plays movies too, although the DivX rip of 'Anal Trainer 6' we stuck on there didn't show up, so it must only support mov files or some other shit format.

That's the entire review. No one's paying us to do this nonsense, so there's no need to do it properly. We'll give it 8/10. It'll definitely do for listening to the Pet Shop Boys greatest hits on.

Toshiba's worst idea of all time

"Toshiba plans to merchandise the gadget within 2 to 3 years"



THE ACTUAL NEWS SITE, AS PROOF OF ITS NON-JOKE STATUS:
MSN-Mainichi Daily News: Photo Specials

Treo 680 - pioneering the return of orange

Forget red. That's so "Item posted at 12:45 PM".

Orange is SO HOT RIGHT NOW:



Tomorrow's forecast: Green, then blue as we move into the evening, returning to silver for the weekend.

A red iPod Nano leads an exciting new trend in gadgets we've just spotted!!

Very nice, but the problems with it are two-fold. (1) It's an iPod, (2) it's another charity edition, so each time you buy one Bono gets slightly more tedious and one step closer to crowning himself KING OF THE WORLD.



Each time you buy one $10 goes to help spread crucial AIDS in Africa. If we all buy one, there's no need for any child in Africa to go without AIDS at all! It's part of the (RED) charity thing, that's about buying red things. For charity.

Doing this update means we don't have to give any money to Children in Need or Lenny Henry this year.



Then, as if to make it look like we're doing an update about how making things red is some sort of emerging new trend we've spotted, there's the Samsung D600. They call this "wine red". That's two red things in one day. That's definitely enough to do an update about.

IF YOU DON'T MIND THE STIGMA OF BEING SEEN AS CHARITABLE:
Apple (UK and Ireland) - iPod nano - (PRODUCT) Red™

Perspective failure sets product design back 20 years

It's all well and good making gadgets ever smaller, but all that good work is ruined when an untrained booth babe holds it too close to the camera and makes it look HUGE:



Poor Ken-chi Awada (above) has been demoted two holding divisions as a result of this disastrous display attempt, and will next be seen holding factory meat processing equipment in the Narita Corp. Meat Reconstitution Products Third Division.




The plans of TVus Corporation have also been thrown into chaos, following an incorrect hold in its Korean Autumn Tech Expo booth. The poor girl managed to make its TVAnywhere system look three times its actual size.

The product's launch date has been changed from November to 'TBA', with company spokesmen clamouring to reaffirm the gadget's actual size of 12mm x 6mm x 4mm - the smallest in its class.

Why do new radios look like old radios?

Is there some government legislation saying that all DAB radios have to look like 1950s wireless sets? It's not just one company that's doing it. They're all at it. Every day some radio people make a new radio that looks like this:



How ironic. It's the Bush TR62 DAB (the 1080p of radios) radio. Or to give it its full title, the Bush Wireless Radio Home Transceiver Set 000001.

$400 to hear the sound of yourself breathing

Types of people there's something wrong with #244: People who like those headphones you stick RIGHT IN your ears.

The ones with foam you have to squish up, then wedge RIGHT IN. They're nasty. All you can hear is your own short, unhealthy breathing pattern, your ears pop, it hurts to swallow and you can't hear important things like cars coming or people shouting not to touch something dangerous.

Don't put things in your ears. Didn't you kids learn anything from The Wrath of Khan?



Look at the size of it. The end would be touching your brain.

HORRID THINGS TO PUT IN YOUR EARS:
Earphones | iPod Earphones | Ultimate Ears super.fi 5Pro Earphones | Ultimate Ears

A TV you can't use for more money than you've got

Brilliant.



Maybe next, the music companies can all release radios that play music you can't hear yet in a format that won't be ready until 2008, makes current radio sound a bit worse, and, say, charge £3000 for them. Anyone buying 1080p TVs today needs to be sat down, given a firm talking to, then painted brown and dumped in Texas with an Iraqi flag wrapped round their head and wearing nothing but a pair of black leather hotpants.

Retailers Benefiting from Channel Intelligence Optimization Technology for Improved Product Placement and Performance in Online Channels

This just in from the resurgent fourth-reich propaganda tech division:

Retailers Benefiting from Channel Intelligence Optimization Technology for Improved Product Placement and Performance in Online Channels

ORLANDO - October 9, 2006 - Channel Intelligence (CI), the leader in technology innovation for Web-initiated commerce, today announced positive results from its new patent-pending Universal Type-based Category (UTC) product placement system recently implemented within the company's optimization technologies. CI introduced this third-generation categorization solution in the summer of 2006 as an enhancement to all product lines, and immediate results were seen in its SellCast Retailer Solutions product line. Each SellCast customer had been provided this enhanced technology to ensure better performance through online channels such as comparison shopping engines and online marketplaces.

Productivity up 1000% thanks to new death penalty motivational scheme. Sorry about this update. It's just a test to see if we can remember how to upload stuff.