Gadgets we've invented ourselves #1: The Keyhole Blocker
This versatile device stops your neighbours looking through the keyhole and seeing you having a wank on the sofa of your bedsit.
It's basically just a bit of Blu-tak, so manufacturing costs per unit are very low. If you would like to invest in this idea, please get in touch. As it's just a bit of Blu-tak we can have the product rolled out to distributors as soon as your cheque clears.
KEYHOLE BLOCKER SPECS:
It's basically just a bit of Blu-tak, so manufacturing costs per unit are very low. If you would like to invest in this idea, please get in touch. As it's just a bit of Blu-tak we can have the product rolled out to distributors as soon as your cheque clears.
KEYHOLE BLOCKER SPECS:
- Eliminates 99.9 percent of spying
- Works on all brands of lock - Yale... and whatever other companies make locks
- Can also be used to mask other weird activities such as dancing naked to Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds and standing still looking at the wall for hours
THIS JUST IN FROM 'MARKETING':
Item posted at 2:00 PM
30 Comments:
perhaps it could benefit from an edgy and cool name, the iShuiffleSecretly perhaps?
I think I see a baby jesus in it...
Where do I send my cheque to?
This sort of technological insight, sprinkled with my magic dust, is exactly why your site traffic will now increase by a factor of 17%.
My work here is done.
Dragon's Den would rip this to shreds - you need to patent a little scoop or mould that you can use to make blu-tak blobs of exactly the right size or Duncan Balletyne will sneer at you because he knows the wanking-observation-portal-obscuration market inside out and Peter Jones will do an hilarious one-liner at the end and you will end up remand for assault charges when he has to have the blue-tak removed from his arse.
The blu-tak blob is slightly concave so, on reflection, would.
Quoth the Idiot:
It's basically just a bit of Blu-tak, so manufacturing costs per unit are very low.
Hey, blu-tak's not feckin cheap you know. I'm going to start selling a cheaper version made from Play-Doh, undercut you and make you bankrupt!
Bwahahahhahaaaah
Slaita - Actually one character away from the Irish version of Cheers, and with Paddy's day 10 days away. Uncanny.
"Eliminates 99.9 percent of spying" you say. Does it work with Chubb type locks though as they allow a greater degree of viewing pleasure as opposed to the standard Yale type lock. Is this perhaps where you've covered you backs/arses by saying 99.9 - perhaps Chubb locks allow the other .1% of viewing through so in actualy fact I couldn't engage in acts of an immoral nature with a pot of honey, a feather duster and a 10 week old kitten without the nosey bitch in that flat above seeing me through said .1% and reporting me to the police and the RSPCA. I think the concept is good but for me to invest in this cutting edge product it needs to be 100% nosey-bitch-in-the-flat-upstairs proof.
The other manufacturers are: Chubb, Union, Dead, Pad, Ness, Goldi and (the one required by insurance companies or else you're not covered) FiveLeverMortice.
That's an iPod killer if ever I saw one. Now we just need to get some Korean bit of skirt to hold it while between her ankles while watching tv and your work here is done.
My work here was done some time ago. Try and keep up, Earthling.
carl, you forgot legg
Will it work on the knot holes in my shed? I'm sick to death people peeping at my marrow.
Sorry, I appear to have a spare hour. Do you need any work doing?
A more elegant solution would be to leave your door wide open, thus removing that 'allure of the unknown' on which all voyeurs thrive. The sight of your hairy crack waddling away from an open door, or you mashing the pump dispenser on a bottle of hand cream with your trousers round your ankles, is likely to make any prospective peeping tom scurry past.
Is the .01% the window coz you forgot to draw the curtains?
ytfolyv - the noise made after mistaking the Deap Heat for the hand cream
You can call it the iBlock.
efueihu - the sound your nose makes when blowing it after a good crywank.
It's a great invention but with one major flaw. It needs a piece of sellotape to stop the would-be peeping tom poking a stick through and knocking it off. It's a schoolboy error that just shouldn't happen at this level.
It is our belief that blu-tak is more elegant than a hairy, waddling crack. However this tag-line responded badly in focus group testing.
Sellotape is indeed that strong, but should not be used in combination with those blu-tak bastards. We are shortly launching 'african-american* sellotape' specifically for anti-peep purposes.
* Legal dept got involved
we pbviously going to be rich now. All of us. Especially ones willing to go round Mr.Chows house 'after hours' for some 'work' on his 'cock'.
That last one didnt need ''
Would.
But is it compatible with American locks?
The UK knocking one out scene is shit. All the wankers have moved to Vancouver
Does it sync with "blu"-tooth?
...I'm a better comedian than Jim Davidson...I'm also more hated too.
thats impossible. Jim Davidson is the most reviled man alive.
Only because, technically, Dubbya is a monkey.
Someone mentioned uder-cutting you with Play-Doh. I'm too lazy to back-track and find out what their name was though. Clearly, the best thing to use would be plasticine? This is cheaper than Play-Doh and just as versatile. Also it usually comes in packs of 3 colours. So, as long as your door is red, green or blue it'll blend in nicely. Also, everyone seems to be forgetting about the letterbox. This is an unforgivable oversight. This needs to be addressed (wank pun un-intended) immediately.
I suggest gluing it shut. This instantly stopped my neighbour from poking his cock through my letterbox, waggling it about a bit, and proclaiming that he was a sexual trombone. Now all I have to solve is the problem of him smearing his own shit across my windows on a daily basis.
Easy - remove the glass. Watch the hilarity as neighbour falls through gap with dollop of own shit in hand.
Grab the shake 'n' vac.
My technical development department have identified that the problem is actually the keyhole or letterbox in the door. My company is designing a type of house that has no openings whatsoever. I think we will capture the elite end of the anti-voyeur market and scupper all of you lower-class Blutack trash.
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