The Jarvis Model CPP - pneumatically powered hock and neckcutter for turkey, goose, ostrich, pork and cattle
If you ever need to cut up something made of bone and gristle in a hurry, one of these should do:
This can take the head off a cow and, by extension, a human prostitute.
This marks the start of a new obsession with meat industry products. You might want to not read the site for a bit, especially if you're a vegetarian or a pig or a chicken.
OTHER AMAZING JARVIS MEAT INDUSTRY PRODUCTS WE REALLY NEED TO GET IN FOR REVIEW:
This is the Jarvis BS-1 "brain sucker":
This is the BS-1 brain sucker spec sheet:
Tomorrow we're going to quit our cushy desk jobs for exciting careers in the meat industry. Removing brain must be more fun than saying people suck on the internet all day.
JARVIS ROCKS (UNLESS YOU'RE A PIG OR CHICKEN)
Jarvis Products Corp
This can take the head off a cow and, by extension, a human prostitute.
This marks the start of a new obsession with meat industry products. You might want to not read the site for a bit, especially if you're a vegetarian or a pig or a chicken.
OTHER AMAZING JARVIS MEAT INDUSTRY PRODUCTS WE REALLY NEED TO GET IN FOR REVIEW:
The Jarvis Model LKE-1 - pneumatically controlled gun for high speed vacuum removal of poultry lungs and kidneys
The Jarvis Model LLP-1 -- hydraulic powered hog leaf lard puller
The Jarvis Model SR-1 vacuum system for spinal cord removal on beef or hogs
The Jarvis Model BS-1 -- brain sucker removal system for removing all the material in brain cavity
THAT LAST ONE AGAIN:
The Jarvis Model BS-1 -- brain sucker removal system for removing all the material in brain cavity
This is the Jarvis BS-1 "brain sucker":
This is the BS-1 brain sucker spec sheet:
Avoids contaminating heads and saves cheek meat.
Permits de-boning of heads on tables, without cross contamination.
Eliminates placing corks in heads - avoiding any brain seepage.
Lightweight handpiece for optimum operator comfort and handling.
All stainless steel construction for maximum hygiene.
Tomorrow we're going to quit our cushy desk jobs for exciting careers in the meat industry. Removing brain must be more fun than saying people suck on the internet all day.
JARVIS ROCKS (UNLESS YOU'RE A PIG OR CHICKEN)
Jarvis Products Corp
Item posted at 1:37 AM
26 Comments:
Some of those products have videos, I wouldn't advise clicking on them. Unless you need to know how to debrain that prostitute that you just killed.
The best bits are the videos
PS: VVIVD. Almost a real word!
Have they also got a tits-cutter-offer?
Oh Deborah, do you recall?
Your house was very small,
with cow brains on the wall...
Get ready...
Are you ready?
From the December Newsletter:
First shown at the recent AMI/WWFE expo in Chicago, Jarvis Products is now selling industrial robots for various kill floor operations. Several robot models are easily adaptable for controlling Jarvis tools used for both pork precutting and slaughterline procedures, where they can be utilized for front hock and aitch bone cutting operations. Robotic machines have also successfully removed pork-bungs, and opened pork bellies and breasts.
Emphasis mine, obviously...
Right that's the last time I read IR over breakfast! Cheers lads!
Now Batteries are Nothin against this!
Now Batteries are Nothin against this!
You can say that again Lucker
Jarvis brain sucker. Jarvis Cocker. Pulp. Cock pulp.
Mental images you don't need at 9.19am
I can imagine a full on Brain-Cork manufacturers strike when they hear about this. Better start stockpiling if you are a fan of the old school methods.
Urgh - or 9:57.
Meh. They're basically vacuum cleaner nozzles. From the video for the Lung Gun - "Vacuum is turned on by simply touching a hole in the handle." - It's literally a pipe with a hole on the side.
The videos, however, are amazing. I particularly like how the turkey carcasses travel past the operators with the cavity facing them at cock height.
Just when I thought this blog COULDN'T get any better... I look forward to the related thing holding competition...
If only I'd known about the brain-sucker back in 1991 when I was conceived. *sigh*
Do any of these have a "reverse current" function? I'm picturing cows with their heads filled with helium, floating around going "moo" in a quizzical manner, with "Happy Mother's Day" printed on the side.
Come on, we've got til Sunday, will be famous, and our mothers will love us again.
Where's the lens?
(Only for the sake of returning to some kind of normality.)
icreichk - German vomiting voyeurism
I can't be bothered reading though the comments again to find who said it but for removing breasts you can just use a Stanley Knife. I saw it on Crimewatch. Not the act, but they spoke about it.
PBVIOUSLY.
I wonder, does it SUCK TERRORIST COCK?
Lame. My ex was worse than that.
Word Verification: axfootr - when fireman go insane
Best update ever.
I didn't know what leaf lard was until watching that video. Now I feel marginally more educated - thanks IT!
An acquaintance once did a review of slaughterhouse equipment for a magazine. Here is how he described the Jarvis 3HD Hog Head Dropper:
"This old favourite has replaced the method of hacking at a hog's head with an axe. Speed and increased productivity are the 3HD's calling cards. A single operator can behead an astonishing 1,200 hogs per hour, and at only 48lb it won't tire you out. Most UK slaughterhouses have one of these bad boys in the barn. If you don't, ask yourself this: "Am I serious about cutting off pigs' heads?" Steve McConnell, of Macquip, supplier of Jarvis power-cutting tools, calls it "the GTI of head-cutting".
An acquaintance once did a review of slaughterhouse equipment for a magazine. Here is how he described the Jarvis 3HD Hog Head Dropper:
"This old favourite has replaced the method of hacking at a hog's head with an axe. Speed and increased productivity are the 3HD's calling cards. A single operator can behead an astonishing 1,200 hogs per hour, and at only 48lb it won't tire you out. Most UK slaughterhouses have one of these bad boys in the barn. If you don't, ask yourself this: "Am I serious about cutting off pigs' heads?" Steve McConnell, of Macquip, supplier of Jarvis power-cutting tools, calls it "the GTI of head-cutting".
pityless fools! our legion of robots will destroy you all...
...starting with your children!
http://www.wsmv.com/video/11253025/detail.html
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