Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The "________" battery

A man found it while on the toilet. It has no name, just the basic legally-required advice to protect the manufacturer from being held liable if someone attempts to recharge it and gets killed.

_______: Average performance

"Found these in an AirWick automatic room freshening device whilst bored on the toilet last night. No indication of make or anything and devoid of any colour. Clearly very cheap? - Graham Lambert."

19 Comments:

Anonymous Unwise Monkey said...

So that's what Graham Lambert's been doing since the demise of the Inspiral Carpets.

Defecating.

12:24 PM  
Blogger phorenzik said...

Cheap, or extremely expensive fashion-type batteries?

I bet pop stars use these.

12:29 PM  
Blogger gaijintendo said...

Let's hope nobody tried to recharge their pop stars.

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps the battery is called "AA Alkaline LR6 AA CAUTION Charge Correctly +/- Do Not Recharge Respecter Les polarities...?"

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Feminine.

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It looks like a Jonathan Ives design. There's no way it can be cheap.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"So that's what Graham Lambert's been doing since the demise of the Inspiral Carpets."

Unless this Graham Lambert is the one who used to teach maths and PE at my High School on the Isle of Wight. Dismantling electrical goods while on the loo seems like an appropriate mix of mental stimulation and physical exertion for someone of his qualifications.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why would you want to put that legally-required advice to protect you, the manufacturer, when nobody knows you are in fact the manufacurer ?

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks like one of the [NO LOGO] products to me, i.e. expensive, fashionable, minimalist and not very good

4:43 PM  
Blogger mrplow said...

they look so very lifestyle, almost like apple mac batteries

8:08 PM  
Blogger The Rat said...

I used to work at Habitat, so I know perfectly well what the discerning minimalist is looking for, and these batteries are it!

Sleek lines, devoid of any kind of character, these batteries would sell for upwards of £9 a piece to your everyday city cunt, to power his portable nose hair clippers which he keeps in the glove box of his silver BMW 316, which for some reason he's festooned with M badges and M spec alloys. He earns 27 grand and thinks he's rich, he looks down on people who don't wear a suit to have a shite. He's a complete prick.

That's who would buy these batteries.

Tell you what, I definitely have not had a really bad day, surrounded by office boys with their hydraulic hair and piss poor imitation diamond cufflinks. Fuck off.

10:28 PM  
Anonymous Akhtar Wang said...

If Apple made batteries...

10:16 AM  
Anonymous darkside said...

Bored on the loo?

I suggest more fibre...

10:16 AM  
Anonymous FrankTheTank said...

LOOUUUDD NOISES

11:14 AM  
Blogger James said...

off white, minimal instructions...

It's the Apple iBattery. Guaranteed to be obsolete in six months and require replacing.

Small batches may occasionally catch fire.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Dear Leader said...

Believe me, if they were Apple batteries, you couldn't replace them.

ewatdzd - The last words of someone whose casserole exploded into his face.

1:39 AM  
Anonymous NotRubyWax said...

Wow. There is actually something genuinely interesting about batteries. I'm shocked.

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Cook Me said...

I bet I could find these in PoundLand...

12:40 PM  
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