“So give me that. Now what’s a fast coloured? These pants are a cotton/elastane mix, so is that cottons or synthetics? What firmware number does it say on that panel? You can do your things in the sink, this is mine now.”

“…but don’t touch the pomegranate flavour juice. He won’t like it. He really won’t like it. Look, see this scar? That was because I made the mistake of thinking the pomegranate one was strawberry and drank it. If in doubt, just have tap water, he likes that. But not too much as we’re on a water meter and he checks consumption when he gets home. One litre an hour is all he allows. That includes toilet flushes, so only flush solids. Sorry it’s a lot to learn, but I’m sure you’ll soon feel at home.”

Good to see that the terrible air conditioning input fan accident from 2011 isn’t holding her back, plus that additional third hand she’s had fitted ought to really stir things up. Not having a ‘left’ will hinder her versatility, though.

Win a chance to sit next to this woman for ten entire minutes! Simply answer this easy question: What is that silver thing on the tree stump and what kind of batteries are inside it?

Can turn ball gowns into jumpers in one 45 minute cycle.

“GOD NO TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF REPLACEMENT SCREWS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN THE ACTUAL GLASSES.”

“BUT I’M THE ONE WHO HAS TO PLUG ALL THE CABLES BACK IN AGAIN, AREN’T I? WHERE HAVE YOU PUT THEM? HAVE YOU STUFFED THEM INTO A CARRIER BAG AND ARE THEY VERY TANGLED?”

Today we’ll be giving you a look at how the online world edits images, using a popular photo manipulation tool known as Photoshop. It’s the secret the celebrities use to help them keep looking young and also how they construct complicated drawings, like pictures of proposed skyscrapers and cars that don’t yet exist.

This is the image we’ll be using as our base for the demonstration. There are one or two unsightly flaws in this picture we would like to eliminate.

In order to do so, open your legitimately purchased copy of Photoshop and activate the “eraser” tool from the floating left menu bar, then wave it around a bit over the parts of the photograph you would like to make disappear.

After some time (10-15 minutes at a moderate waving pace), you should end up with a significantly more pleasing image, suitable to adorn the cover of any stylish glossy magazine.

Fizzy miso soup, for that satisfying blend of sweet and savoury and a comforting bloated tummy feeling.