Gadgets with FACES#94: A bit of the Large Hadron Collider

The purpose of the LHC revealed - it's beaming trillions of gadget faces around in a big circle. The core of the machine seems to be constructed entirely of faces - there are at least seven clearly visible pairs of eyes.

Congratulations, science!



"I went to a thing about CERN's Large Hadron Collider yesterday (because I really know how to treat a woman), and therein I saw this cross-section of the main dipole. It clearly has a face, and even a moustache plaque. Imagine that friendly face guiding protons around a 27km ring at 0.9999999 times the speed of light! Also, had I realised it was so reflective I would have been naked, like in the hilarious early days of the internet" - James.

Gadgets with FACES #93: A chuckling defibrillator

This happy little chap may well be the last thing you ever see, as you slip away from the world while a hungover crash team tries to make your clogged-up heart start working again.



Funereal black would've been a more considerate choice of colour.

Gadgets with FACES #92: An array of safety equipment in Amsterdam

The eyebrows suggest this face was created on purpose by a mischievous installation technician HELL BENT on subverting the system. Eyebrows virtually never occur on gadgets naturally.

If you move away from the monitor it looks like it's got elephant ears.



"Here's a picture of appalling quality taken on my phone. I'm not sure what the portrayed mechanism is supposed to do but my guess is that it is for guarding the door and freaking out the customers at a post office in Amsterdam, where I took this picture. Next time I go there I'll try and remember to bring my real camera" - Paul.

Gadgets with FACES #91: A TV van

Evil TV van gazes menacingly down on man, in what is clearly some sort of metaphor for the evils of TV-based society. If you want anything funnier than that, email the picture to Charlie Brooker.



"TV uplink bus (everybody wants one) with delightfully sinister face. Sorry for the wankers in the frame but security was tight and the Force was watching us" - Mark and Franck.

Gadgets with FACES #90: A Loyola analogue water heater

Another superb GWF submission from a glamorous foreign country augmented by additional background information.



"It's a kettle, in Hong Kong. Not very exotic, I know, but 'Loyola' does look rather happy."



"Possibly it's because she lives in a bar, rather than a bedsit with some sleeping pills like the most recent gadgets with faces that you have. Or maybe it's those strange green plastic beads on a stick, that she enjoys inserting into some orifice or other. What do I know?" - James.



"PS: Since cameras are technology, and you like technology, here's a photo I took at Hong Kong Stadium on Saturday of some photographers, one of whom is apparently taking a dump without remembering to lower his trousers first. Silly photographer!"

Gadgets with FACES #89: A Tivoli Audio Model Three AM/FM clock radio

A gadget with a face AND reader-generated lifestyle photography AND some facts being put straight. Plus a technical demonstration of the T-Mobile G1's camera. This update works on so many levels.



"That Sennheiser clock-radio is, I'm afraid, a cheap knock-off of the Tivoli Series 3 clock-radio, which actually has a sad, mopey face even without turning it upside-down. I bring this to your attention so that people will know that there is a clock-radio that is a Serious Piece of Engineering that I paid too much money for, and that everyone who likes the cheap Taiwanese imitation ought to feel shamefully used. First thing in the morning. When they're not even fully awake yet.

"Here are some 'in the wild' photos of the Tivoli Series 3, for that extra gritty verisimilitude..."



"In the first one you can see a phone-charging cable, a copy of the New Yorker, a bottle of over-the-counter sleeping pills, and a dingy lamp."



"The second is taken from a bit closer, to show the sadness and anxiety. Sadness due to the reading material and sordid uncleanliness, anxiety because you can't even off yourself with those pills. The photos were taken with a cell-phone camera, but it's a G1 Google-phone, so maybe that will bring in a few readers, to see what a crap camera they've stuck on the G1" - RobotSlave.

Gadgets with FACES #88: A Kenwood Prodino

Fully compartmentalised and removable nose. Eyes behind bars.



It's not a very good one, but it's quite entertaining if you stare at it for a while.

Gadgets with FACES #87: A Thermaltake DH102 HTPC

HTPC stands for Home Theatre PC. The idea is that you buy a small PC to put by your TV and watch downloaded films on it, leaving your main PC free for your girlfriend to install viruses on while you're watching a 720p rip of Apocalypse Now Redux.



The eyes are fans. The blue thing is its hand. It can reach around and turn itself off after a user-defined period of inactivity. A man called "Neil" found this here.

Gadgets with FACES #86: Some science thing

Gadgets with FACES isn't as good now we've come to expect bodies and arms. This one does at least seem to have a neck, plus a look of visible distress.



"On a recent trip to the Science Museum I spotted this little fella in the 'Docks and Diving' section. I've attached a pic of the info which explains what he is, something to do with radars and maps or some other nautical shit like that."



"I think he looks a bit like a Disney character. Perhaps from a sequel to Beauty and the Beast that was set on a boat. Do I win a prize for oldest and most educational gadget with a face? - Tom."

DOES TOM WIN A PRIZE?
Tom wins a prize for not realising we never give out prizes.

Gadgets with FACES #85: A Tenda Wireless-N Broadband Router

Dancing robot gadget. With arms. In the air. Like it JUST DON'T CARE.



It is a Tenda Wireless-N Broadband Router. You can buy it on the internet here. It was spotted by one of our numerous readers called "Chris" who is presumably in the market for a new router. If you have one to recommend, please do so in the comments section. We're sure he would appreciate it.



A perfect and rare full-bodied gadget. The only thing it's missing is genitalia, although perhaps that's what the buttons on the side are?

Gadgets with FACES #82: A drunk motorbike tramp

This used to be a really fashionable scooter in the 1960s. Then a messy divorce cost it its garage and it was left to rust on the streets.



It will wank you off in exchange for a bit of sandpaper.

Gadgets with FACES #81: A rocket about to eat space tourist Richard Garriott

Careful, Richard! It's a trap!



He's awfully rich for a man who invented a game in the early 1980s. You never see David Crane poncing about up in space in return for £15m.

Gadgets with FACES #80: An upside down Labtec speaker

OK, this one plugs in. Men buy it from Currys and lie to their girlfriends about how much it cost. It goes near your computer. It has a little LED on it to say when it's on. It is definitely a gadget, you can see the wires and everything.



"I thought you might like this. I didn't notice until I was doing a head stand on my desk. He looks like he might be trying to say something but his cord was pulled and now there is the realisation that he can go no further" - Matt.

Gadgets with FACES #79: The Pandora

This is Pandora. Or a Pandora. It is OK to objectify objects. It's people and especially women that don't like it. Must try to remember that.



"It's some new Linux thing called Pandora that looks like a DS and seems surprised to find itself sitting next to a floppy disk. Pandora might be a crap name, but with SafeSearch off it makes for a fairly pleasurable Google Image Search" - Harry.

Gadgets with FACES #78: A SUNVIC TLM thermostat

Wonky eyes, funny hair, but a TEXTBOOK happy mouth. We're a bit backed-up with Gadgets with FACES photos, so today is going to be Gadgets with FACES day. If you have a problem with that, just be glad it's not batteries.



Sent in by a "Lee" who says it hangs about outside his office trying to look down the top of the receptionist while all the cool blokes stand around smoking cigarettes. It often deliberately turns up the temperature to make everyone sweat, too.

Gadgets with FACES #77: A Fujifilm 3D camera

It's a miserable looking little shit, considering she's preparing to kiss its bottom.



Perhaps it is sad because it has only just noticed her wedding ring, and it's been buying her bloody drinks - really expensive cocktails, too - all evening.

Gadgets with FACES #76: A terrified hand cleaning machine

You'd be screaming too if you had pissy fingers going in your mouth all day AND you were stuck on the wall next to the sanitary towel bin.



"Here's a hand washer/dryer screaming in silent agony in a public loo in Wiltshire. Who can blame him, obviously Dorset would be nicer" - Giles.

Gadgets with FACES #75: A radio/cassette player from a 1970s car

Sir Rich steps up to RUIN web site #2, with his second submission to the UKR/Idiot Toys banality consortium this year.



"It'd be difficult to express in words the deep sense of shame I felt after those pictures of my fucking hens appeared on UK:R. What seemed like innocent fun that afternoon swiftly became oh-god-what-have-I-done on seeing them again. Still, I'm sure that shame would be nothing compared to the profound worthlessness I would feel were you to ever use this gadget with face. I found it on... dear god... one of the special features on a Doctor Who DVD. A clip from Blue Peter of Jon Pertwee showing off the very lame indeed Whomobile.

"As you can see, it's a very sassy seventies tapedeck. Please note the terrible picture quality, I just took a picture of the telly. Yours, hitting send before I realise what a bad idea this is, Rich."

Gadgets with FACES #74: Some sort of light-based communication device

Reader "Neil" discovered this. He found it on a web site that sells special equipment for people with special needs. There is nothing funny about that. Neil is probably a DJ, and found this while searching for a portable lighting solution.



"There's a bit of '1930s animation' in the eyes I think. You know, like this. Cheers" - Neil.

Gadgets with FACES #73: An Emerson IP500BK

We are cheating by using an iPod dock.



Angry 1950s grandma?

Gadgets with FACES #72: A plug adaptor taking it in all available holes

Also an entry in the occasional series "Gadgets which look like they're having sex."



"Thought you might like this. It's an electric socket adaptor with plugs in it, and the result looks like some kind of bird that having a really good time. Cheers, Frederik."

Gadgets with FACES #71: Yet another car dashboard

Just make sure you're all paying attention to the road. We could do without being implicated in a series of bizarre road deaths. You can only get associated with a series of bizarre deaths so many times before one of them sticks.



"I think this one speaks for itself. The eyes can be moved the tongue can be pushed inside the mouth and the nose can flash red. Not to mention that in the dark its cheeks glow rosy red."

Gadgets with FACES #70: Something to do with electricity generation

Hopefully we have at least one reader who works/worked for a major electricity utility company and can explain what this robotic device is and does.

We'd particularly like to know what feature lies behind its nose - a feature so DEADLY it has to be locked away.



"...now evolving rudimentary legs. It's some kind of generator guardian, I think. As I took the photo it asked if I knew Sarah Connor. I'm fairly certain its hollow eyes can see into your mind. Its flimsy wooden prison won't contain it for long. Love from Willbot."

Gadgets with FACES #69: Sony Xross fade DJ thing for pretend DJs

Has two faces.



Shy speaker (left) and an extremely well defined dog on the right. It just loves having its nose twiddled while you switch from a Chemical Brothers track to that famous one by Groove Armada while balancing your heaphones on one ear. In your own lounge. To an audience consisting entirely of your chair-bound nan, who isn't entirely sure what big beat even is.

Gadgets with FACES #68: A Ferrania Zeta Duplex

The poor thing's off its head on illegal prescription medication it had delivered from Mexico in a discreet, brown envelope. Brilliant face. Should definitely be filed in the "On Purpose" sub-category, mind - no way is this one an accident.



"Quite possibly the happiest camera ever. Maybe even the happiest, old, low tech gadget ever" - Clay.

Gadgets with FACES #67: A fully erect water cooler

The photographer has augmented the water cooler by meddling with the cups. Hopefully he avoided disciplinary action. This could be considered sexual harassment in some places.



"Look at this cheeky little chappy! He's a water cooler where I work. The different coloured eyes are I think due to him winking suggestively whilst he proudly displays whatever that is hanging out the front. Notice how he has positioned himself next to the other drinks machines where people are lured to queue for hours filling endless trays with little plastic cups of coffee-substitute. I will admit that he doesn't look very happy.

"Oh, camera was a Panasonic DMC-TZ3 MEGA O.I.S 28mm WIDE stolen from a colleague's bag and hurriedly smuggled upstairs" - Morgan.

Gadgets with FACES #66: The Venmill Skip-Away Pro

We found this. No one sent it in. We did the groundwork personally, just like in the old days. It's the Venmill Skip-Away Pro, a disc repair machine that apparently has the power to magically recreate bits of plastic you've long since scraped off on your coffee table.



Slightly dog-like, reminiscent of a 14-year-old labrador that's gone extremely fat and jowly, and can barely lift its head up off the floor. It even has a little silvery beard. Poor thing. Dad ought to end its suffering with a shovel.



This is the official explanation of the the Skip-Away's facial features.



This is the TRUTH.

Gadgets with FACES #65: A cassette-based MP3 player

Eyes, eyebrows, glasses, small and thin moustache, plus it's spitting out an SD card in disgust at the awful collection of 90s rock you're asking it to tolerate.



Let's all join together and tilt our heads slightly to the left.

Gadgets with FACES #64: A sad orange juice machine in Barcelona

Could also pass for an elephant. Would anyone be interested in a series of increasingly-poor updates under the heading Things Which Look Like Elephants?



"You can find attached an image of a sad orange juice machine in Barcelona. He is there every day, even the weekends, sixteen hours a day, serving people good vitamin C but nobody even cares to say thanks. And they have put him a silly hat like Carmen Miranda...

"I read the poll news, I also vote (once). I have to say that I disagree with the discontinue of the gadgets with faces section. But, that's only my opinion. Enyway(tm), I had this photograph some time, but I wanted to re-take it since it's a little shaken. If you are interested, I can go and shoot a few more, using tripod and maybe some friends to talk to him... saludos, Stelios."

"PS: English is not my native language, so forgive any mistakes."

"PS2: Once in Spanish means eleven :)"

Gadgets with FACES #61: The A/C MANIFOLD GAUGE SET

Found on Harbor Freight Tools, which is sitting on a bit of a goldmine when it comes to faces.



"It's the MS Word Paperclip's wacky cousin!" - Arthur.

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS FROM HARBOR FREIGHT

The MD's wife modelling a hat

Caravan socks

Pneumatic blasters with FACES

Gadgets with FACES #60: A Belkin GoStudio

Has eyes, ears, possibly even headphones, a funny round mouth and you could possibly even mistake those LEDs for a moustache, if you've still got last night's residue pumping through your veins.



Would appear to be wearing sunglasses on top of its head, though. The little tosser.

Gadgets with FACES #59: Another cheap vacuum cleaner

Quite similar to the Woolworths one, but not precisely the same. We even went so far as to check. Probably pumped out of the same Taiwanese factory by the same child workforce, mind.



"Here's something you've probably already covered, but it's too good to not email. Just look at his happy face and his lovely beard! If your teenage daughter met him on the internet, you'd have no option but to approve. Apologies for the lack of norks and batteries - Harold."

Gadgets with FACES #58: A Henry vacuum cleaner

A reader sent in a joke.



"I was thinking of buying a vacuum cleaner, and was looking about and if I'm not mistaken, I can clearly make out a face on the front of this 'Henry' model from Numatic. It appears to be some sort of elephant in a top hat with red skin. The hose of the cleaner forms a trunk-like 'nose'. I don't know if it's deliberate. Maybe you could feature it on the pages of your fine website/blog whatever it's called. It looks cheerful enough - Jody."

Gadgets with FACES #56: A power strip

Power strip? Or sick, enforced labour camp, where innocent young pluglings are forced to stand in line all day with their mouths open, ready to be violated?



"Here's a picture of a gadget with lots of little faces, all shocked that she's left one of his DVDs out on the table rather than putting it back in its protective case, again - Pete."

Gadgets with FACES #55: A bit of the Phoenix Mars rover!

NASA has sent a gadget with a face to MARS! It's the beginning of another tiresome conspiracy theory.



"I found this delightful creature on the personal site of Brian May from the super-group Queen. It's the scanner bit from the Phoenix lander. Look at its lovely little smile. As Bri himself points out, it even has eyelashes! The Lander scanner bit, not Brian, he is a rather sour faced chap.

"I was lead to his Soap Box section on his site by a mocking article in The Guardian. It's a great read. Lots of Badger stories, the cosmos, and masses of self importance. I love some of Queen's tunes, but May seems like a tool. Have a look at his Soap Box, it has an air of "Fake Steve Jobs" about it, except Bri is for real. Oh, I forgot, I should address him as Brian May, CBE. Any witty ideas for the CBE bit? - Brendan."

Gadgets with FACES #54: A whatever a Kenro Studio 500 is

This is a Kenro Studio 500. We have no idea what it is, and we're not going to Google it just to add a layer of suspense. If we had to guess... some sort of horizontal kettle. Although that makes no sense.



"Forgive my sloppy timing as you guys seem completely over gadgets with faces, but this one was too hard to resist. Gadgets with faces combined with over the top (shit) photography studio lighting? This is a Kenro Studio 300, comes with stuff and everything. I find the teeth especially terrifying, and the vacant eyes are the eyes of a cold blooded killer - Paul."

Gadgets with FACES #53: A really quite shocked alarm clock

Another gadget capable of displaying more facial animation and emotion than many top Hollywood actors. Emotion #217: "A third wank over Penny Smith's tights and shoes?! But he's got work today!"



"I think I may have startled/disgusted/saddened my clock by wanking a bit too close to it in my bathroom, it's been the same since. Nothing funny to add - Matt."

Gadgets with FACES #52: A cheerful little Roland RE-20

You have to look for it, but it's there, nestling away in the centre. RE, by the way, is simply lazy product naming from Roland. The Roland Echo. The RE. No doubt it's the 20th redesign, or it has 20 effects settings. Sloppy.



"There is a cute little glowing face in between the two stompy bits. I MAY have something involving duct tape Sonic art coming your way soon - hope you can hold out... Z."

Gadgets with FACES #51: A very happy little Suzuki

We can't do cars too often, as every car in the damn world has a face of some sorts. So we'll only do exceptionally happy or sad cars. That's the rule. Disobey this rule and NOTHING will HAPPEN.



"Today I was on holiday in Sendai, Japan and found this car. I instantly thought of Gadgets With Faces, though maybe it's a bit of a stretch to call a car a gadget? - Colin."

Gadgets with FACES #50: A wonky-toothed new radio

This is also an entrant in Reader's Desks, Reader's Workmates, Reader's Work Telephones, Reader's Pencil Sharpeners and Reader's Office Mouse.



"I see your Gadget with Faces #37, the Wonky Toothed Old Radio, and raise you a wonky toothed new radio - Paul."

Gadgets with FACES #50: A Mercedes Benz iPod dock

Evil alien lurks beneath unassuming leather arm rest. One of the better-formed noses we've seen. Has the obligatory Hitler moustache.



Case sides could *possibly* be seen as arms. The more you look, the more you see.

Gadgets with FACES #49: An electric doorbell

Eating batteries. Has a Hitler moustache. All GWFs seem to have Hitler moustaches, no doubt because most decent modern technology is based on Nazi war innovations.



The first working electric remote controlled doorbell, for example, was installed on the gas chambers of Buchenwald in 1942.

Gadgets with FACES #48: A quad bike

There'll be a battery in it to power the headlights, so it's IN.



"I saw this recently when I was in Lundy (you know, the place Londoners go to 'get away from it all' before realising there's fuck all there). Anyway, seeing as 'Gadgets with faces' seems to be stretching the word 'gadget' quite far these days, I though you might like this. And I bought one of your t-shirts the other day so you have to put it on the site. It's a quad bike with a face. But no lifestyle photography seeing as the words 'lifestyle' and 'Lundy' probably don't mix. Cheers - Geoff."

Gadgets with FACES #47: The Nyko PS3 Media Hub

Calling this a "Media Hub" is slightly overselling it. Small, tatty, rubbish-looking memory card adaptor bought in bulk for 15p a unit from a Chinese wholesaler would be more appropriate, although slightly tougher to fit on the box.



Make your PlayStation3 even more useful than it already is. The addition of a Nyko Media Hub will take PS3 from "universally useless" to merely "incredibly useless."

Gadgets with FACES #46: All aboard the Happy Train!

This is the night mail crossing the border, bringing the cheque and cheerfully guzzling up suicidal Welsh teenagers. It is presumably running on electrified rails, therefore "counts."



"I found this some minutes ago while looking through my RSS feeds. It's a train with a face! Definitely puts Thomas the Tank Engine to shame - Marko."

Gadgets with FACES #45: A train station defibrillator

At what point did this country become such a shit-hole that train stations need defibrillators on the platforms, just in case some fat fuck guzzles down his tenth packet of crisps of the day and goes into cardiac arrest while waiting for the 09.17?



At least they had the sense to give it a sort of friendly doctor face.

Gadgets with FACES and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

THING CLASH! THING CLASH! Thanks, as ever, to Sony Ericsson for blowing the budget on photos no one apart from us ever uses. Although perhaps this set might feature on the front cover of Future Publishing's 'Total Car Mobile Stand Magazine'.



THE BACKSTORY: The man is happy to see the woman coming back. The woman is happy to see the man waiting for her. The car dashboard is smiling because it knows the man will be touching its gear stick/penis very soon.



The relationship has soured. The man is angry. The woman feels her window cleaning advice is being ignored. The car dashboard, however, is happy, because it knows the man will be touching its gear stick/penis as soon as he's finished cleaning the window.



Car dashboards have the BEST faces.

Gadgets with FACES #44: The SONIC IMPACT 5020 I-P9 PORTABLE IPOD(R) SPEAKERS (PINK)

Too much money for a rubbish thing for idiots.



Gay robot bear. Mouth too small to even do gay stuff properly. Literally useless. Sent in by "James" who we can only assume was doing some trouserless gay robot bear internet cruising.

Gadgets with FACES #43: An £18 Woolworths vacuum cleaner

WARNING: Too many photos were taken during the production of this update.



"My vacuum broke a couple of days ago so I went to Woolworths today to pick up a new one from their 'Worth It exclamation mark' range."



"Suffice to say, it was the worst hoover I've ever used with very little suction power and had a body with weaker plastic than a kinder egg capsule."



"Despite this, it had multiple faces so I was quite pleased as the main one was a cheery fella."



"I thought I'd add some images to your collection (I apologise for the quality and the state of my carpet - the hoover couldn't pick up anything)."



"The cat is looking particularly pleased as he had just pissed up the wall.



"Rather than try to come up with witty remarks about the images, I'll just provide images of the cleaner on its own and with random crap (and a cat) which I found lying around for size comparison."



"Product link if interested - Julian."



Thanks, Julian. Thanks for being brave enough to show us your carpet.



That looks like a Star Trek tricorder.



You shouldn't scrimp on costs when it comes to biscuits, Julian. McVities really does know its stuff. And hydrogenated vegetable fat is probably just a fuss that will blow over and soon not be linked with heart diseases.



Two things we like in one photo! See? It was worth scrolling down this far.



Sorry about all this. We just felt it was important to use all of his photographs. It's not often someone goes to such lengths.

Gadgets with FACES #42: A complimentary 3M tape dispenser

It's Bilal again! The man who put all the effort into that one about the alarm with numerous faces. He's done it again. Bilal's ace. He definitely should get a blog of his own, then we'd be submitting things to him hoping to get noticed. This relationship is upside-down. The trousers we're wearing right now have Bilal's name written on the label.

He even did a video involving (a) props, (b) editing and (c) sound effects. This is the Idiot Toys update of the year, even though it's by someone else and only June :(

THE OPENING PREAMBLE:
"The lovely people at 3M (or maybe Office Depot or even Viking Direct) decided to give away a tape gun thing when you buy a multipack of brown tape off them. Not only is the tape gun actually functional, it also looks very much like a dinosaur. Understandably, this email could be misconstrued as a lame attempt at riding on the wave of the rather wonderful torrent of Dreamcast rumble pack dinosaur pictures featured a little while back, but who knows?"

"And who cares? A bunch of twats, that's who. Besides, the similarities are clear for all to behold. Anyway, on to the pictures:"



"The top head bit is chopped off, but that only serves to emphasise the positively MONSTROUS proportions afforded by holding the camera really close to the object you're trying to photograph. Look at all those teeth! He's currently nameless by the way, so any contributions are welcome. The background is the paper insert from Sega Superstars Tennis on the PS3. Also, I think that's my left sideburn reflected in the glass."



"What's this? A ladyfriend? Wow, isn't she sexy? Notice how the bow helps to accentuate her already innumerable feminine features. Her past is rather cloudy, save for a few tales of sordid and violently adhesive sexual encounters with staplers and the other unsavoury characters that frequent the stationary drawer. I've decided to call her Wouldn't."



"Aren't they a lovely couple? We all knew he wouldn't be able to resist for long, but what will he do when he inevitably discovers her deep, dark, not-so-secret secrets? I can't bear to imagine... Oh, and after much deliberation, White Hand/Brown Hand shall now be a recurring theme (where humanly possible), so keep an eye out."



"And as a special bonus, here's a video of our as-yet unnamed beast strutting his stuff. The video was actually made specially for Idiot Toys and all the gits who read it, although I'm starting to wonder whether or not that was a good idea, unless you've figured out how to embed videos properly by now - Bilal."

Gadgets with FACES #41: A Hookah charcoal heater