“Feel free to help yourselves to any refreshments…”


“…but don’t touch the pomegranate flavour juice. He won’t like it. He really won’t like it. Look, see this scar? That was because I made the mistake of thinking the pomegranate one was strawberry and drank it. If in doubt, just have tap water, he likes that. But not too much as we’re on a water meter and he checks consumption when he gets home. One litre an hour is all he allows. That includes toilet flushes, so only flush solids. Sorry it’s a lot to learn, but I’m sure you’ll soon feel at home.”

October 29, 2013 in Promotional photography


  1. It was looking a bit stale, like that courgette.

  2. Yes, we have a microwave oven at the bottom of our fridge. We like it there.

  3. “And don’t ever open the other three. He won’t mind, you just don’t want to. Trust me.”

  4. “And those are the collectible Heineken cans. They are for ‘golden shower’ events only.”

  5. “The rabbit belonged to one of the last girls to live here and it must be annointed hourly with the oils contained in the three vessels of porcelain.”

  6. “Have the Sprite! No really, it’s ok, I mean… it’s my favourite, but he says I’m getting fat enough already and I don’t want him to be unhappy with me. Me and my stupid flabby body. God, I’m so lucky he’s still with me: he keeps telling me there’s this girl at work, but I know he loves me, he keeps coming home every night after all, so that means he loves me, right? Of course he does….”

  7. That is a nightmarish skirt. She will be reeducated.

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