“Atishooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. NOW PLACE CUP UNDER CREAM SPOUT TO REAR.” “Around the world, around the wo-orld, around the world, around the wo-orld. ”

Featuring the same sort of infinite volume red-faced scream as that made by its users. Open and close disc tray = realistic vomiting action.

Actually, never mind.

Could deliver the nearest thing any of us get to a cuddle this Christmas, plus with a bit of effort and some leftover turkey it might be possible to do pretend sex to hole #5 of the speakers. The bass throb could be “her” heart beat. FOUND: Here.

“I honestly don’t think I can get out of bed today and start doing all the same things that I did yesterday again. And it’s still cold. Why won’t it be spring? I’ll stay in bed until spring. Work won’t mind. They owe me for covering for Jenny last winter when she was off for […]

…by Roger Hargreaves. Probably drawn in the late 1990s by Adam Hargreaves, we imagine, but still part of the same universe.

Has there ever been a better product name than TELEFUNKEN MAGNETOPHON 204TS? No. No way. Well, perhaps in Germany but not over here. Better still, you can buy him if you like him. You could then marry him and change your name to Christopher TELEFUNKEN MAGNETOPHON 204TS.

Slicing off your thumb and two largest fingers while laughing about it.

Not just a face, but a SECRET HIDDEN face, viewable only by those with the necessary training and admin privileges to be allowed to service the user-serviceable parts within the Samsung CLX-8540ND printer. There is a mesmerising video of the toner replacement process here. It loops. It’s worth leaving on a loop.