Entopic Residency

So to cut a long story short, I was in a clean but tired coastal B&B for reasons to do with travel and death, and engineered a few minutes alone in the room when everyone else went down for breakfast.

The main reason I was fussing needlessly over my rucksack so everyone left me behind like a hallucinating mountaineer way above the death zone was to get the room to myself for a poo — the inability to poo in private being the main drawback of today’s en suite bathroom trend — but then something else happened.

“I wonder what sort of batteries are in that remote control?” a small inner voice said, an inner voice that now spends most of its time thinking about when children last had anything to eat and went to the toilet and if there are sausages in the fridge, rather than matters concerning AA and AAA power.

So off popped the suspiciously weak clasp (does everyone do this now? Are flat screen TVs old already?) and into view came these two beauties:

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dav

Despite some initial focusing problems the Huawei P9 coped admirably with the pre-dawn artificial light and aggressive carpet pattern, revealing a classic red and black colourway and evocative italicised lettering. The limited time available meant it was not possible to scrutinise the casings for spelling mistakes, but the mind imagined scenarios involving the fire disposal and insertion advice to be grammatically poor, over a hurried breakfast.

Perhaps if we are there again next year I’ll sneak the remote into the bathroom for a more thorough examination, although chances are the cells will have been long replaced by something from the local Asda by the time I next succumb to the demand to go somewhere and do something.

Anyway, that was on Monday. Tuesday, well, that’s a whole other story.

16 Comments
December 14, 2016 in Batteries

“I know I shouldn’t but I unlocked the bootloader!”

s7-edge

“Teeheeheeheeheehee!”

16 Comments
February 22, 2016 in Uncategorized

Modern Metaphors #1

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Says something about sedentary lifestyles. Juxtapose with photo of seized bike chain and rotting Wendy house. Leave comment below criticising throughput of ports 11-16.

5 Comments
January 19, 2016 in Metaphors

Gadgets with FACES #242: Melitta E950-103 Caffeo Solo

“Atishooooooooooooooooooo

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oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. NOW PLACE CUP UNDER CREAM SPOUT TO REAR.”

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“Around the world, around the wo-orld, around the world, around the wo-orld. ”

5 Comments
December 29, 2015 in Gadgets with FACES

Gadgets with FACES #241: SML-383 Portable CD-G Karaoke Player

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Featuring the same sort of infinite volume red-faced scream as that made by its users. Open and close disc tray = realistic vomiting action.

6 Comments
December 18, 2015 in Gadgets with FACES

Gadgets with SMALL but PERFECTLY FORMED EXTERNAL GENI

cookworks

Actually, never mind.

11 Comments
December 11, 2015 in Gadgets with FACES

Gadgets with FACES and even ARMS and STUFF #240: Singing Machine ISM1030BT

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Could deliver the nearest thing any of us get to a cuddle this Christmas, plus with a bit of effort and some leftover turkey it might be possible to do pretend sex to hole #5 of the speakers. The bass throb could be “her” heart beat.

FOUND:
Here.

8 Comments
December 10, 2015 in Gadgets with FACES

“I put some of my own music on here, I hope you don’t…”

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FACTORY RESET.

4 Comments
May 12, 2015 in Promotional photography

Gadgets with FACES #239: JANTAR Alarm Clock

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“I honestly don’t think I can get out of bed today and start doing all the same things that I did yesterday again. And it’s still cold. Why won’t it be spring? I’ll stay in bed until spring. Work won’t mind. They owe me for covering for Jenny last winter when she was off for four months with SAD.”

acctim-mini-bell

The Acctim Mini Bell also has a nice sad backside, complete with diseased spots and assorted warts.

2 Comments
March 3, 2015 in Gadgets with FACES

“Dad, you put your trousers in the fridge again”

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“Simon and I have been thinking. We think it’s time you moved in with one of us. You can still have your independence and bring your televisions with you, we just really think it’s time. What if you’d put your trousers in the oven, dad?”

2 Comments
February 24, 2015 in Promotional photography